{"id":10574,"date":"2014-02-08T21:23:35","date_gmt":"2014-02-08T21:23:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/?p=10574"},"modified":"2014-02-10T20:42:59","modified_gmt":"2014-02-10T20:42:59","slug":"helllllooooooo-infidel","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/2014\/02\/08\/helllllooooooo-infidel\/","title":{"rendered":"Helllllooooooo, infidel"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"image\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Jeff Dunham: You’re afraid of offending people?
\nAchmed: Yeah.
\nJeff Dunham: You’re a terrorist. You kill people.
\nAchmed: That’s different. Killing people is easy; being politically correct is a pain in the ass. <\/p>\n

Achmed: Two Jews walk in a bar…
\nJeff Dunham: No. No.
\nAchmed: What?
\nJeff Dunham: No.
\n Achmed: What? You don’t let Jews in your bar? You racist bastard! <\/p>\n

Jeff Dunham: So you’re Muslim?
\nAchmed: I don’t think so.
\nJeff Dunham: You don’t think you’re Muslim?
\nAchmed: No.
\nJeff Dunham: Why not?
\nAchmed: Look at my ass. It says: “Made in China”. <\/p>\n

Jeff Dunham: Look, if you’ve been in my suitcase all this time, how have you been getting through security at the airports?
\nAchmed: Oh, that’s easy. They open the case, and I go “Hello! I am Lindsay Lohan!” <\/p>\n

Achmed: I’m kidding. I would not kill the Jews. No. I would toss a penny between them and watch them fight to the death! I did the same thing with 2 Catholic priests, but I tossed in a small boy! Yes! Yes! And the winner had to fight Michael Jackson!
\nJeff Dunham: You can’t tell jokes like that!
\nAchmed: Why not? I’m killing… so to speak!
\nJeff Dunham: referring to the “suicide bomber training camp”: Is that a nice facility?
\nAchmed: It used to be!
\nJeff Dunham: What happened? Achmed: New guy! The idiot tried to practice!
\nJeff Dunham: What did you guys learn from that?
\nAchmed: LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION! <\/p>\n

Jeff Dunham: So Achmed, what exactly happened to you?
\nAchmed: Well, I was getting gasoline and I answered my cell phone. Can you here me now? [Imitates explosion] At first I thought it was because I went over my minutes.
\nJeff Dunham: That’s too bad.
\nAchmed: It’s okay, I took that Verizon bastard with me.
\nJeff Dunham: So um, what’s it like to die? Do you see a white light?
\nAchmed: If you’re dumb enough to watch the explosion, yes.
\nJeff Dunham: No, I mean some people say they see a white light. What did you see?
\nAchmed: I saw flying car parts.
\nJeff Dunham: What as the last thing that went though your mind?
\nAchmed: My ass. Walter told me to tell that joke.
\nJeff Dunham: So you never saw a white light?
\nAchmed: No, but I saw a blue Prius!<\/p>\n

Achmed: [making the P sound in “posse” repeatedly] How am I doing that with no lips?
\n[the audience laughs and applauds]
\nAchmed: That’s what she said.[cackles]
\nJeff Dunham: I can’t believe you did that.
\nAchmed: That’s what SHE said!
\nJeff Dunham: Will you stop this?
\nAchmed: [higher pitch] THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!
\nJeff Dunham: I don’t like this.
\nAchmed: [VERY high pitch] THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!
\nJeff Dunham: How long is this?
\nAchmed: [screeching] THATSWHATSHESAID!
\n[the audience applauds again; long pause as Jeff and Achmed stare at each other]
\nAchmed: Think about it…
\nJeff Dunham: So, you were talking to Walter earlier.
\nAchmed: [suddenly angry] Damn it! <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Jeff Dunham: You’re afraid of offending people? Achmed: Yeah. Jeff Dunham: You’re a terrorist. You kill people. Achmed: That’s different. Killing people is easy; being politically correct is a pain in the ass. Achmed: Two Jews walk in a bar… Jeff Dunham: No. No. Achmed: What? Jeff Dunham: No. Achmed: What? You don’t let Jews…<\/p>\n

Read More “Helllllooooooo, infidel”<\/span> »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[132],"class_list":["post-10574","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-random-shit"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3u9vK-2Ky","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10574","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10574"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10574\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10625,"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10574\/revisions\/10625"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10574"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10574"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10574"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}