{"id":1572,"date":"2004-09-22T14:45:00","date_gmt":"2004-09-22T14:45:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/2004\/09\/22\/things-youd-love-to-say-at-work-but-cant\/"},"modified":"2004-09-22T14:45:00","modified_gmt":"2004-09-22T14:45:00","slug":"things-youd-love-to-say-at-work-but-cant","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/2004\/09\/22\/things-youd-love-to-say-at-work-but-cant\/","title":{"rendered":"Things You&apos;d Love to Say at Work, but Can&apos;t"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>1. I can see your point, but I still think you&apos;re full of shit.<br \/>\n2. I don&apos;t know what your problem is, but I&apos;ll bet it&apos;s hard to pronounce.<br \/>\n3. How about never? Is never good for you?<br \/>\n4. I see you&apos;ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.<br \/>\n5. I&apos;m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.<br \/>\n6. I&apos;ll try being nicer if you&apos;ll try being smarter.<br \/>\n7. I&apos;m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message&#8230;<br \/>\n8. I don&apos;t work here. I&apos;m a consultant.<br \/>\n9. It sounds like English, but I can&apos;t understand a word you&apos;re saying.<br \/>\n10. Ahhh&#8230; I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again&#8230;<br \/>\n11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.<br \/>\n12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.<br \/>\n13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don&apos;t give a damn.<br \/>\n14. I&apos;m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.<br \/>\n15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.<br \/>\n16. Thank you. We&apos;re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.<br \/>\n17. The fact that no one understands you doesn&apos;t mean you&apos;re an artist.<br \/>\n18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.<br \/>\n19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?<br \/>\n20. I&apos;m not being rude. You&apos;re just insignificant.<br \/>\n21. It&apos;s a thankless job, but I&apos;ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.<br \/>\n22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.<br \/>\n23. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be&#8230;?<br \/>\n24. Do I look like a people person?<br \/>\n25. This isn&apos;t an office. It&apos;s Hell with fluorescent lighting.<br \/>\n26. I started out with nothing &#038; still have most of it left.<br \/>\n27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.<br \/>\n28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?<br \/>\n29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.<br \/>\n30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.<br \/>\n31. I&apos;m trying to imagine you with a personality.<br \/>\n32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.<br \/>\n33. Can I trade this job for what&apos;s behind door #1?<br \/>\n34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.<br \/>\n35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?<br \/>\n36. Chaos, panic and disorder &#8211; my work here is done.<br \/>\n37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?<br \/>\n38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>1. I can see your point, but I still think you&apos;re full of shit. 2. I don&apos;t know what your problem is, but I&apos;ll bet it&apos;s hard to pronounce. 3. How about never? Is never good for you? 4. I see you&apos;ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. 5. I&apos;m really&#8230;<\/p>\n<p class=\"more-link-wrap\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/2004\/09\/22\/things-youd-love-to-say-at-work-but-cant\/\" class=\"more-link\">Read More<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &ldquo;Things You&apos;d Love to Say at Work, but Can&apos;t&rdquo;<\/span> &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1572","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3u9vK-pm","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1572","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1572"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1572\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1572"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1572"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1572"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}