{"id":35925,"date":"2017-05-31T10:04:00","date_gmt":"2017-05-31T10:04:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/?p=35925"},"modified":"2017-06-28T13:32:41","modified_gmt":"2017-06-28T13:32:41","slug":"dont-do-that-donald","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/2017\/05\/31\/dont-do-that-donald\/","title":{"rendered":"Don’t Do That Donald"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

From twitter<\/a>:<\/p>\n

Donald was a curious child,
\nHis hands were small, his hair was wild,
\nHis face was orange like the sun,
\nHe liked to make up words for fun.<\/p>\n

But the curiousest thing of all,
\nA thing so bigly, yet so small,
\nThe little chap had no control,
\nOf where his fingers chose to stroll.<\/p>\n

Where’er he went, his palms would itch,
\nHis tiny digits start to twitch,
\nThey simply just could not resist,
\nPressing that and squeezing this<\/p>\n

Donald’s riches were untold,
\nHe was obsessed with all things gold.
\nHe lived atop a golden tower,
\nAnd loved to take a golden shower.<\/p>\n

But Donald wasn’t satisfied
\nHe stomped his feet and cried and cried,
\nHe pulled a face and sucked his thumb,
\nHe even made the Pope look glum<\/p>\n

Everyone the small boy met,
\nBemoaned his lack of etiquette,
\nTall, short, old, young, slim or fat,
\nThey all cried,
\n“Donald, DON’T DO THAT!”<\/p>\n

Keen to stem his groping habit,
\nDon’s mother thought to buy a rabbit,
\nAnd so one Tuesday off they set,
\nTo Mr Melnik’s World of Pets . .<\/p>\n

But soon as he ran thru the door
\nThere came a most almighty roar
\nOf grunts, barks, squawks and squeaking
\n(He wasn’t good at public speaking)<\/p>\n

He rang the budgies’ tiny bells
\nPrised the turtles from their shells
\nHe didn’t care, wasn’t fussy
\nHe stroked each puppy, grabbed each pussy<\/p>\n

‘Out!’ the owner reprimanded,
\nAnd so the boy left empty-handed,
\nAside from fur clumps and, I fear,
\nA very tiny piece of ear.<\/p>\n

Leaving Melnik and his critters,
\nSuffering from ticks and jitters,
\nAnd also, thanks to our marauder,
\nPost-traumatic stress disorder.<\/p>\n

But there was one place, I recall,
\nWhere Donald acted worst of all,
\nThe boy just wasn’t made for schools,
\nHe simply couldn’t follow rules!<\/p>\n

He had no tact, he had no filter
\nHis social skills were out of kilter
\nThe only thing he knew to do
\nWas yell and yell till class was through<\/p>\n

In fact the only friend he had,
\nWas a strange young fella name of Vlad,
\nWho drank vodka and Tabasco sauce,
\nBare-chested on the rocking horse<\/p>\n

Young Donald couldn’t see the harm,
\nIn setting off the fire alarm,
\n(That naughty little trouble glutton,
\nCould not resist a big red button)<\/p>\n

And when the school had congregated,
\nIn the playground, agitated
\nOnce five minutes had expired,
\nHe’d jump and yell ‘You’ve all been fired!’<\/p>\n

It may be true that Donald tried,
\nTo be upright and dignified,
\nBut sad to say, the proverb stands,
\nThe Devil makes work for tiny hands.<\/p>\n

Try and try as best he might,
\nPoor Donald simply couldn’t write,
\nHis teacher stared in disbelief,
\nWhen he spelled coverage ‘covfefe’!<\/p>\n

Young Donald built a wall one day,
\nTo keep the Mexicans at bay,
\nBut when he said ‘Call me El Jefe!’
\nThey stuck the bricks up his #covfefe.<\/p>\n

Making trouble was a cinch,
\nFor the little orange grinch,
\nHe ran with scissors, tugged girls’ hair,
\nHis tiny hands were everywhere!<\/p>\n

When Donald set his school aflame,
\nThe fire chief asked who was to blame.
\nHe said, “I cannot tell a lie,
\nIt must have been the FBI.”<\/p>\n

Though Donald never touched the booze,
\nHe believed in aliens and Fox News,
\nSanta, Bigfoot, all things strange
\nEverything but climate change!<\/p>\n

Donald blew his vast resources
\nOn cheeseburgers and new golf courses.
\nCash that would be better spent
\nOn meds and anger management.<\/p>\n

“Oh Donald!” cried his mother sadly,
\n“How did you do quite so badly?”
\n“It’s all lies!” was his retort,
\n“It must be a fake school report!”<\/p>\n

Donald’s face was big and orange,
\nWhich made it very difficult to write a satirical poem about him…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

From twitter: Donald was a curious child, His hands were small, his hair was wild, His face was orange like the sun, He liked to make up words for fun. But the curiousest thing of all, A thing so bigly, yet so small, The little chap had no control, Of where his fingers chose to…<\/p>\n

Read More “Don’t Do That Donald”<\/span> »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[109,136],"class_list":["post-35925","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-dealing-with-idiots","tag-god-bless-the-land-of-the-free"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3u9vK-9lr","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35925","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=35925"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35925\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":36194,"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35925\/revisions\/36194"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=35925"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=35925"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=35925"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}