{"id":5326,"date":"2012-07-02T13:45:49","date_gmt":"2012-07-02T13:45:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/?p=5326"},"modified":"2012-07-02T13:45:49","modified_gmt":"2012-07-02T13:45:49","slug":"50-awkward-cat-sleeping-positions-yes-50","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/2012\/07\/02\/50-awkward-cat-sleeping-positions-yes-50\/","title":{"rendered":"50 awkward cat sleeping positions, yes 50!!"},"content":{"rendered":"

1. The Full Situp<\/big>
\nTo achieve the full situp, you must begin with the genuine intention of exercising your abs and promptly fall asleep midway through the task. This position is extremely advanced and not recommended for amateur sleepers.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

2. The Awkward Spoon<\/big>
\nThe goal here is not so much intimacy as it is the socially uncomfortable sharing of a physical space with someone. Bonus points if your arm falls asleep but you’re too embarrassed to move it.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

3. The Semicircle<\/big>
\nTuck your tail between your legs and imagine that you are an omelet.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

4. The Sunbather<\/big>
\nThe trick is to look like someone who is acting comfortable whilst also appearing extremely uncomfortable. Let’s take this excellent opportunity to coin the term “meta-comfortable.”<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

5. The Double Bed<\/big>
\nYou will need a partner for this one. The goal is not so much comfort as an expression of sheer, unadulterated greed.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

6. The Half-Box<\/big>
\nAny old box will do, but two of your feet – preferably on opposite sides of your body – must remain outside the container at all times.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

7. The Backstroker<\/big>
\nDo not even attempt unless you have tiny, tiny, precious little legs.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

8. The Sleeping Baby<\/big>
\nFind a baby. Imitate the baby.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

9. The Fur Pile<\/big>
\nFor this, you will need at least three friends who are not averse to your sleeping on them.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

10. The Full-Box<\/big>
\nJust get your whole damn body in there no matter what it takes. Be the box.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

11. The Drunken Radiator<\/big>
\nJust because you are obviously some kind of gin-addled hobo doesn’t mean you can’t be nice and warm.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

12. The Sleeping Dog<\/big>
\nFind a dog. Imitate the dog.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

13. The Librarian<\/big>
\nBury your furry little head in your paws and try to look as contemplative and bookish as possible before drifting off.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

14. The Ruler<\/big>
\nMeasure the floor with every inch of your tiny body.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

15. The Windowsill<\/big>
\nThe whole world is your hammock.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

16. The Clothes Dryer<\/big>
\nImagine that you are a wet T-shirt, fresh from the washing machine. Drape yourself accordingly.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

17. The Pot Luck<\/big>
\nThink of yourself as a last-minute fruit salad that everyone will be very polite about but probably not enjoy all that much.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

18. The Head-Rush<\/big>
\nHead to the ground, paws in the air – let gravity do the rest.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

19. The Odd One Out<\/big>
\nFor this one you will need first to find two willing conformists.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

20. The Mid-Sentence<\/big>
\nOnly recommended for individuals with extreme forms of narcolepsy.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

21. The Bag Of Limbs (Box Edition)<\/big>
\nHave a friend or loved one take you apart and put you back together haphazardly inside a box.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

22. The Bag Of Limbs (Couch Edition)<\/big>
\nSame as above, except (obviously) without the box.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

23. The Dog Bed<\/big>
\nNot a bed for dogs, but a bed that is made of dogs<\/em>. I.e., the most comfortable bed you will ever sleep on that also smells kind of funky.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

24. The Office Worker<\/big>
\nFall asleep on the job. LOL.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

25. The Married Couple<\/big>
\nDon’t be afraid to snore.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

26. The Full Dog<\/big>
\nFor this, you will need a willing dog and preternatural sense of balance.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

27. The Yin Yang<\/big>
\nThe Yin Yang sleeping position is two sides of the same coin – though you will need to decide with your partner which one of you is to be the evil one.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

28. The Copykitten<\/big>
\nFind a kitten. Imitate the kitten.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

29. The Town Drunk<\/big>
\nAlone or with a partner, this position is ideal for daytime sleeping, especially if you have already given up on pursuing a meaningful career.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

30. The Window Dressing<\/big>
\nIt is easy to find the appropriate window, and easier still to adopt the appropriate posture for this sleeping position, but it will take years of practice to fully master the knowing, world-weary expression that is its most essential component.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

31. The Reluctant Traveler<\/big>
\nTire yourself out asking whether we are “there yet,” then snore as loudly as possible.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

32. The Pianist<\/big>
\nDo not even consider attempting this unless you have a Steinway or (if you are desperate) a Mason & Hamlin.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

33. Between Two Stools<\/big>
\nAny old kitchen stools will do for this one, but it’s cheating to use paws, so make sure you have strong neck muscles!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

34. The Clamp<\/big>
\nFind a friend with a strong pair of thighs and get to work.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

35. The Enthusiast<\/big>
\nFind something to celebrate and then promptly lose interest.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

36. The File Drawer<\/big>
\nFile yourself under either “C” for “Cat,” or “I” for “Idiot,” depending on the filing system in your home or office.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

37. The Half-Handstand<\/big>
\nYou don’t need to be fully vertical for this one, but it’s very important that your back legs be pointing optimistically skyward.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

38. The Disc Jockey<\/big>
\nThe shades will prevent people from knowing that you are asleep, but they won’t help in hiding the fact that you are kind of a douchebag.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

39. The Porcelain God<\/big>
\nThis one is EXTREMELY ADVANCED. Do not attempt unless you have years of practice passing out in bathrooms.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

40. The Surprise Package<\/big>
\nRemember to act like you couldn’t possibly care less when someone opens the box and finds you inside.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

41. The Tight Squeeze<\/big>
\nYou will have to become very good at ignoring all the haters who are like, “Now this<\/em> box is definitely too small for you, Mr. Snugglypants.”<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

42. The Cliffhanger<\/big>
\nBe sure to find a sleeping partner you can trust for this one, or you’ll end up as a big pile of fur underneath the chair.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

43. The Guitarist<\/big>
\nDo not even consider attempting this unless you have a Les Paul or (if you are desperate) a Fender.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

44. The Bottom Drawer<\/big>
\nPretend you are a pair of stripey, furry, freshly laundered boxer shorts.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

45. The CD Collection<\/big>
\nPretend you are a discarded and long-forgotten copy of Aerosmith’s 1993 smash “Get A Grip.”<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

46. The Cat Scan<\/big>
\nLie on your back and dream of being a perfect facsimile of yourself, crisp and warm from the output tray.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

47. The Undercover Squirrel<\/big>
\nStay very still and think very hard about acorns.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

48. The Narcoleptic Gymnast<\/big>
\nFor this one, you will need a lifelong dedication to the noble sport of gymnastics and a modest supply of Ambien.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

49. Big Cat, Little Box<\/big>
\nDo not let society constrain you with their antiquated ideas about “boundaries” and “things you really, genuinely can not fit into no matter how hard you try.”<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

50. The Full-Sink<\/big>
\nLet the cool porcelain soothe your back as you dream contentedly about a houseful of people temporarily unable to brush their teeth.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

1. The Full Situp To achieve the full situp, you must begin with the genuine intention of exercising your abs and promptly fall asleep midway through the task. This position is extremely advanced and not recommended for amateur sleepers. 2. The Awkward Spoon The goal here is not so much intimacy as it is the…<\/p>\n

Read More “50 awkward cat sleeping positions, yes 50!!”<\/span> »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[141,307,132],"class_list":["post-5326","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-cats","tag-pets","tag-random-shit"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3u9vK-1nU","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5326","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5326"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5326\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5380,"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5326\/revisions\/5380"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5326"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5326"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.flubu.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5326"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}