Just came back from Dinner with Stepane, Robin and a friend of hers whom I don't even recall the name at the moment. I feel.. meh. Robin is, and I believe always will be, a source of mixed feelings. She's beautiful, and a good friend, and I know it could never be more than friendship. At the same time, it's almost impossible to reconcile the, well, lust I have for her with who I am and how I feel about her.
Tonight was just another of those evenings. I felt… jealous. Excluded. Because they'd all come from a nude photo shoot. From what they were saying, it seemed like a good time. They kept going on and on and making little inside jokes, and teasing me about the pictures. Now I understand why she – very politely – told me i couldn't come. They're excellent reasons. For her, nudity is nothing. For Stephane, it's a professional shoot and he's beyond reproach in that regards. Her friend, well, they used to live together. For me, given the fact that she knows I lust after her, it wouldn't have been a good idea for all the obvious reasons. Doesn't change the fact that I resent it, just a wee little bit. I hate feeling like this. Jealousy is a self-defeating process. I just have to deal with it.
it's still not fun though.