Tag: chonk
Tell me your dog was raised by cats
Without actually saying those words.
Actually, the cat and the dog have a beautiful (if odd) relationship.
Meet the newest gladiator: Bavalanche!
Real Name: Bavalanche
Breed: Bulldog
Nickname(s): The Drool Doom
Height: Low to the ground, impossible to move
Weight: Classified (but the floor knows)
Speed: Slow start… unstoppable finish
Strength: Shockingly high for a creature that snores
Endurance: Infinite naps, short bursts of chaos
Forged in the couch cushions of Switzerland and fueled by raw, unfiltered farts, Bavalanche brings a wet, rumbling menace to the arena. What starts as a gentle drip quickly becomes a full-scale slobber disaster. Once he commits, there is no traction, no escape, only drool.
💥 Signature moves:
THE DROOL SLIDE – Sudden head shake creates a hazard zone no human can stand in
THE BAVE BLAST – Direct eye contact followed by an unstoppable slobber launch
THE NAP FAKE-OUT – Appears asleep… explodes into action
THE WRINKLE LOCK – Confuses opponents with sheer facial complexity
🏟️ Arena speciality:
The Eliminator – Turns the floor into a slip-and-fall nightmare
Powerball – Guards the ball by simply sitting on it
Joust – Unmoved. Unbothered. Slightly damp.
🎤 Catchphrase
“No traction, no mercy!”
🎶 Theme song
“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN…
MAKE SOME NOISE FOR… BAAAAAA—VAAAAA—LAAAAAANCHE!!!”
“HIDE YOUR SHOES… PROTECT YOUR SNACKS…
THE DROOL DOOM HAS ENTERED THE ARENA!”
*Bavalanche snorts, shakes head, drool flies in slow motion. Camera zooms. Crowd loses it.*
Byron does learning
It actually went better than expected, and he settled down much more quickly than we thought he would. At the end of the day, he was snoring out loud under our desk.
Made it to Christmas
After all the planning, prep and stress, we made it to Christmas. The dog loved his presents, the child less so – those that weren’t in cold hard cash were complained at. He’d already read “The art of War” and hated it, he didn’t like the cologne we thought he liked, and he was nonplussed with the print of the japanese street sign of jumping cats because he doesn’t do posters. Whatevs. He’s a tired teenager. It could have been worse.
Dinner was good – too much food as usual. Spatchcocked turkey, yorkie puds, stuffind balls, pigs in blankets, port-braised red cabbage, roasted and mashed spuds, and tons of veg.
Making a list
Written a list.
Checked it twice.
Cockroach has been naughty.
Byron has been nice!!!
Highest level of play energy
Ricolaaaaaaaaaa
I is mum
When Bubs is a better Katy than Katy.
Hot dog
Our balcony faces due south and becomes a sauna/oven by late afternoon. Byron, of course, loves to sit in his chair and watch the world go by. This is problematic when it’s 30+ degrees out and we have to get the idiot inside before he cooks himself… (when we tell him to come in, he’ll protest, then go and flomp down in front of his industrial-size floor fan to cool down)