- “I might join you later” – I’m not leaving the house today unless it’s on fire.
- “Excuse me, sorry, is anyone sitting here?” – You have 3 seconds to move your bag before I end you.
- “Not to worry” – I will never forget this.
- Saying sorry as a way of introducing yourself.
- “Bit wet out there” – You’re going to need a snorkel because it’s absolutely pissing it down.
- Ending an email with “Thanks” as a warning that you’re perilously close to losing your temper.
- “Right then, I suppose I really should start thinking about possibly making a move” – Bye.
- “It’s fine” – It really could not possibly get any worse, but no doubt it will do.
- “Perfect” – Well, that’s ruined then.
- “A bit of a pickle” – A catastrophically bad situation with potentially fatal consequences.
- “Hot too bad, actually” – I’m probably the happiest I’ve ever been.
- “Honestly, it doesn’t matter” – Nothing has ever mattered more than this.
- “You’ve caught the sun” – You look like you’ve been swimming in a volcano.
- “That’s certainly one way of looking at it” – That’s certainly the wrong way of looking at it.
- Saying “I have the 5p if it helps?” and never being quite sure if it helps.
- “If you say so” – I’m afraid that what you’re saying is the height of idiocy.
- “With all due respect” – You have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.
- Saying “you’re welcome” as quietly as possible to people that don’t say thank you buy using it as a form of punishing them.
- “I beg your pardon” – 1. I didn’t hear you. 2. I apologize. 3. What you’re saying is making me absolutely livid.
- “It could be worse” – It couldn’t possibly be any worse.
- “Each to their own” – You’re wrong, but never mind.
- “Pop round anytime” – Stay away from my house.
- “I’m just popping out for lunch, does anyone want anything?” – I’m getting my own lunch now, please remain silent.
- Saying “I might get some cash out actually”, despite approaching the cash machine and being 100% of getting cash.
- “No, no, honestly, my fault” – It was exceedingly tour fault and we both know it.
- “No yeah that’s very interesting” – You’re boring me to death.
- “Just whenever you get a minute” – NOW!
- “No harm done” – You have caused complete and utter chaos.
- “I’m sure it’ll be fine” – I fully expect the situation to deteriorate rapidly.
- “Sorry, I think you might have dropped something” – You have definitively dropped that specific item.