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Month: April 2015

yay, office supplies

Posted on April 30, 2015 By admin

I’ve been wanting to get one for a while now, and I’ve finally done it :) I’m getting my own address stamper.

info-tampon

Why is this useful, you may ask? Well, first off, I still need to deal with a non-insignificant amount of snail mail and my handwriting sucks. Also, it’ll be very useful in an upcoming repetitive task in the near future. Plus, you know, moomins.

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If the Empire in Star Wars Had Big Data…

Posted on April 29, 2015 By admin

big-data-vader

…the Empire would have won. A search of records would have revealed where Luke Skywalker was living on Tatooine. A more efficient collection and aggregation of Jawa records would have located the droids immediately. Simple data analysis would have revealed that Ben Kenobi was really Obi Wan Kenobi. A search of birth records would have revealed that Princess Leia was Luke’s sister. Had the Empire had anything like the NSA, it would have had all the data it needed, and it could have swept up the droids and everyone else, and that would have been that.

There is an important lesson to be learned from Star Wars: If you are trying to establish and maintain a ruthless Empire, you can greatly benefit from better data aggregation and analysis.

The Empire also could have benefited from a better knowledge of data security:

1. Key hardware and controls should be secured in a locked area. The controls to the Death Star tractor beam should have been located in a less open location.

2. Strong authentication is essential. Any droid shouldn’t be able to plug right in and access all data on the Death Star. For example, had two-factor authentication been used, the rebellion would have been crushed in the trash compactor.

3. Good data breach response is essential. A better response to the improper accessing of the plans to the Death Star might have averted catastrophe for the Empire.

4. Encryption should be used to protect important data. Encrypting the plans to the Death Star would have been a wise thing to do.

Unfortunately for the Empire, its understanding of data was poor. Had the Empire conducted routine risk analysis, invested adequately in its security program, performed annual training of key personnel, and otherwise maintained reasonable administrative, physical, and technical controls, the problems could have been averted, and the Empire would have won.

Star Wars is essentially a movie about data breach response — one that failed rather miserably. With all due respect to all the hard work and late nights that Darth Vader spent responding to the breach, the breach could have been averted, and the response would have been effective had the Empire employed experts on the use and protection of data.

The Rebel Alliance certainly didn’t win by being more savvy. Obi Wan Kenobi needed to learn better techniques of data de-identification. Most experts will advise you that if you want to hide someone as important as the son of Anakin Skywalker, you shouldn’t have him use the Skywalker last name. With all due respect, if Obi Wan Kenobi wants to go into hiding, the name Ben Kenobi is a rather poor attempt at cloaking his identity.

The ultimate lesson in all this is that it isn’t enough to use light sabers and the Force, battleships and blasters, and an endless supply of storm troopers. It’s knowledge about data that is key. Darth Vader and Obi Wan Kenobi should both have been fired and replaced with privacy and security professionals!

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Woman logic 101

Posted on April 27, 2015 By admin

image

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That cat has issues

Posted on April 27, 2015 By admin

image

image

Not content with having decapitated several ikea nightlights, a fur brush and a pair of wii controllers, Pavel has now graduated to trying to hunt and eat Katy’s rubber ducks.

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When I die, I want strippers!

Posted on April 24, 2015 By admin

funeral-strippers

China Plans Crackdown on Funeral Strippers

The Chinese Ministry of Culture is preparing an attack on the habit of inviting strippers to funerals in the country, a move intended to bolster the apparent popularity of the deceased by ensuring more people turn up to mourn. The practise is rooted in cultural reasons, apparently, with superstitions believing that a well attended funeral is more likely to mean a successful spot in the afterlife for the deceased, even if all attendees are stifling erections while completely unaware of who the dead person in the box is.

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Boy with icecream

Posted on April 23, 2015 By admin

bean-icecream

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Respect the planning phase

Posted on April 21, 2015 By admin

pb150421

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Well, that’ll take a while

Posted on April 20, 2015April 23, 2015 By admin

wpid-what-people-think-government-workers-do.jpg

I’ve just sent off the paperwork to renew Bean’s English passport and that got me thinking about the paperwork to register him as a Canadian citizen, which never got sent off for various reasons. Looking at the website now:

Processing of routine applications for Canadian citizenship currently takes up to 12 to 15 months. The initial processing takes place at the Canadian High Commission. Original documentation submitted with an application is returned to the applicant after the initial processing in London (6 to 8 weeks). The application is then forwarded to the Registrar of Canadian Citizenship in Sydney, Nova Scotia. Forward planning is strongly recommended as processing can sometimes take as long as two years

.

Thanks, Harper.

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Words that must be added to the English dictionary

Posted on April 20, 2015April 20, 2015 By admin

Afterclap (n) the last person who claps after everyone else has stopped
Askhole (n) someone who asks many stupid, pointless, or obnoxious questions
Bedgasm (n) a feeling of euphoria experienced when climbing into bed at the end of a very long day
Beerboarding (v) extracting secret information from a colleague by getting them drunk
Celfish (adj) An individual who continues talking on their phone so as to be rude or inconsiderate of other people
Chairdrobe (n) a pile of clothes left on a chair in place of a closet or dresser; see also floordrobe
Dopplebanger (n) a person who has sexual intercourse with someone that looks identical to them but is not related
Dudevorce (n) when two bros officially end their friendship (opp. bromance)
Errorist (n) someone who repeatedly makes mistakes, or is always wrong
Internest (n) the cocoon of blankets and pillows you gather around yourself whilst spending long periods of time on the internet
Masturdating (v) going out alone to a movie or a restaurant
Nonversation (n) a completely worthless conversation; small talk
Texpectation (n) the anticipation felt when waiting for a response to a text
Youniverse (n) used to indicate that a person has knowledge only of him or herself; their universe consists only of them

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Hitting uncomfortably too close to home

Posted on April 20, 2015 By admin

pb150416

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