| Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Taliskeritis |
|
| Cause: | excessive Internet usage |
| Symptoms: | pyromania, fingernail lengthening, excessive fear of the number thirteen, eyelid swelling |
| Cure: | take two spoons of cod liver oil every day before meals |
Author: admin
Hee Hee
Saw this today and it made me smile. The original artist is here
Ok, this is going to be fun
I just got back from my opthtalmologist's appointment this morning I can't see shit right now. I'm in the office and I'm wearing my sunglasses because my eyes are dilated to hell and gone. If this entry is full of typoes, well, it's because I can't really see the letters on my keyboard and I'm typing from memmore. This shouldn't really be a problem, as I'm a decent touch typisst, but still. I'll reread myself later when I can see straight.
I got good news nd bad news today. My eyes are in decent shape and my prescription doesn't need to be updated. The headaches I've been getting in the past weeks are mostly due to fatigue of staring into a screen for hours on end. The bad news is that my eye pressure, which had always been borderline, now officially moved into the “high” range. This means that I'm at risk to get glaucoma. Given the fact that I have a family history it, I'm almost guaranteed to roll snake-eyes in my lifetime. I have another appointment in september to see if this is just a blip, or if my eye pressure really is problematic. If it is, I have to start a treatment of daily drops for the foreseable future, or until a new treatment comes out.
Now I've always knows that my eyesight is crappy, and I've always had the theoretical knowledge that I might lose my eyesight someday. But the fact that it's lo longer in the realm of the theoretical, and is now more a wuestion of when rather than if, is really getting to me.
And the fat that I can't see what I'm typing just makes t all that much more fun.
This sucks, and I am not a happy camper.
Edit: I can see clearly now, and I think I'll leave the typos there.
Cool!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4669114/
Bad night last night
Sometimes, I wish I really took the time to keep a pad and paper next to my bed to record my dreams. I'm not really sure what I dreamed about last night, but I just know that it left a bad taste in my mouth this morning and I've been down all day.
I also got a rush of bad vibes last weekend, when I changed my bed sheets. I put away the flannel ones I'd been sleeping on all winter and got out the cotton ones I use for warmer weather. That made me think about Tina, as I bought those sheets when we were together and, well, I had some of the most intense moments of my life on those sheets. I know it's silly, as I'm now quite over her and I know it would be insane to start something up again (as, for as much as I loved her, I know she's also certifiably mad). It's just that those sheets made me remember how good being in love feels. The weirdest things can trigger emotions like that.
So for now, I'm trying to plod along my day until I can go home and bury myself in the book I'm reading.
From the original Pravda article: http://english.pravda.ru/main/18/90/361/12434_sex.html
Some countries have very weird laws about sex.
For instance, in many Middle Eastern countries it is prohibited to eat the sheep you had sex with. A person who decided to eat this sheep is making a deadly sin, and he will never get into paradise with 70 virgins.
In Lebanon having half of population Christians, men are officially allowed to have sex with animals. Yet, an important restriction is applied: the animal must be female. For sex with male animals death penalty can be imposed. In Indonesia a person will be executed if he/she masturbated.
In Bahrain a man-gynecologist can have patient”s examination only by seeing the genitals” image in the mirror.
In Guam, the island in the Pacific owned by the USA, there are specialists called defloration-makers. Such a specialist goes around the island and deprives females of virginity for a certain fee. A virgin cannot get married in Guam. A defloration-maker is the most exotic profession in the world, but this specialist is unlikely to move up the career ladder.
In Hong Kong a woman cheated by her husband is allowed to kill him, but only with bare hands, use of weapons is not permitted. As for her husband's mistress, the wife is allowed to kill her by any means.
In Columbia, a woman is allowed to have sex only with her husband. The bride”s mother has the role of an eye-witness and she is required to be next to the spouses during their very first sexual intercourse.
The USA also has its collection of weird laws about sex. In Arizona keeping more than two dildos at home is prohibited. In Colorado there is a ban on kissing a woman who sleeps. In Hartford Connecticut, a man is forbidden from kissing his wife on Sunday.
In Florida only the position “man on top” is legally allowed, and it is not allowed to kiss woman's bust during sexual intercourse. In Massachusetts, a woman is not allowed to have the position of “woman on top” in sex as well.
In Minnesota, sex with birds is strictly prohibited. In Ohio women are not allowed to wear lacquered shoes because they underwear can be seen on their “mirror” surface.
The meme that's going around
Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:
I began to suspect that even Mycroft's best-laid plans might leave us stranded in the middle of Kent
2) Stretch your right arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
two stuffed animals (doggie and koala) lying on my business card holder
3) What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Spymaster. Yes I am addicted to TLC.
4) WITHOUT LOOKING 11:47
5) Now look at the clock, what is the actual time? 11:39
6) With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Peter Gabriel playing in my earphones and the AC intake right outside my office window.
7) When did you last step outside? what were you doing?:
This morning, coming out of the metro to get to the office.
8) Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
Trying to keep entertained reading people's LJ entries.
9) What are you wearing:
Black jeans, black cotton tshirt, red shirt.
10) Did you dream last night?
yes, a weird thing involving R-rated scenes, high-school campus and internet shopping. I have issues.
11) When did you last laugh?
Last weekend, watching Amelie Poulain.
12) What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Ugly yellow paint, ugly posters and uglier frames. Our office needs a decent decorator.
13) Seen anything weird lately?
Define weird.
14) Last movie you saw?
Hidalgo
15) If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
A nice condo, where I could have a dog, then a looooooong vacation.
16) Tell me something about you that I don't know:
I'm scared I'll never fall in love again.
17) If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do:
Get rid of guilt and fear.
18) Do you like to dance:
Hella no.
19) George Bush:
Scary moron who's in charge of a nation of emotional fools with guns.
20) Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her:
Natasha
21) [Same question for a boy]
Xavier
22) Would you ever consider living abroad?
Sure
Just for <lj user="eniran">
http://www.asciibabes.com/angelinajolie/index.html
Ba-dum-ching!
“Yesterday, Vice President Cheney threw out the first pitch at the Cincinnati Reds opening game. President Bush, he threw out the first pitch at the Cardinals game. It's nice to see they've got time for that kind of stuff now that everything in Iraq is under control.” … Jay Leno, the Tonight Show