Author: admin

Going to be a wild ride

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So we have Lily and Eric for today and part of tomorrow. Don’t know what’s going to break first: coffee cup, TV or my sanity. It’s been a nonstop manic 30 minutes since Lily arrived, but it would seem to… cautiously… be winding down because both contestants are knackered.

Update: 5h later, we’ve finally achieved peace. Both doggos are snoozing, having completely exhausted themselves this morning. I honestly thought we’d need to have Lily go back to her place, but they’ve settled down. Mad props to Katy the dog whisperer.

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Seeing in the new year

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2019 was a… challenging year. Lots of good moments, lots of stressful ones.

But we ended it on a high note. It’s important to reflect on that fact.

We, in fact, did have plans.

We saw in the new year with good friends, good food, good wine, a big white labrador. Colin, Karen and the kids invited us to spend new year’s eve with them. We had raclette, played foosball, charades and exploding kittens, yelled random things at Alexa, watched vintage canadian beer ads, melted bits of tin to predict our future and watched the London fireworks on TV after having toasted the new year with champagne and sparklers.

I truly hope 2020 is a good year. We’re all due some good karma.

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#dateday

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Has our first date day in a loooong time. Unfortunately, it started out with a frustrating 2h wait/argument at Barclays Bank to try and sort out a bank fuck-up on their part (still unresolved), but it finished with Wagamama and cocktails so it’s all good.

6 oz tomato juice
1 1/2 oz vodka
1 tsp wasabi paste (or less to taste)
1 tap balsamic vinegar
freshly ground black pepper and sea salt to taste
dash of hot sauce
ice
cucumber wedge and lime wedge for garnish

Also, random fox and gang signs :

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Dad (or Christmas cracker) jokes

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I need a good set of them to turture granddad.

What did Santa do when he went speed dating?
He pulled a cracker

How does Darth Vader enjoy his Christmas Turkey?
On the dark side!

What is the Grinch’s least favourite band?
The Who!

What do you get if Santa forgets to wear his undercrackers?
St Nickerless

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!

What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Lost

Why was the turkey in the pop group?
Because he was the only one with drumsticks!

What do you get if you put a bell on a skunk?
Jingle smells

How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker got for Christmas?
He felt his presents

Why did the Grinch go to Bargain Booze?
He was searching for some holiday spirit

What does Santa spend his wages on?
Jingle Bills

Why is Parliament like ancient Bethlehem?
It takes a miracle to find three wise men there

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy

Which Christmas carol is about an animal with three legs?
Little Wonkey

How can you tell if you are at a Brexit party this Christmas?
Because everyone wants to leave

Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
He was picking his nose

What does Miley Cyrus have for her Christmas dinner?
Twerky

Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
He had no body to go with

How will Brexit affect Christmas dinner?
No Brussels

Why is Mrs Claus always checking Santa’s phone?
He seems to know where all the naughty girls live

What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?
Rude-olph!

Who do Santa’s helpers call when they’re ill?
The National Elf Service!

Why did Santa quit smoking?
Because it was bad for his elf

What’s Tarzan’s favourite Christmas song?
Jungle bells

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite

What are the best Christmas sweaters made from?
Fleece Navidad!

What would you call an elf who just has won the lottery?
Welfy!

What was the three wise men’s favourite Christmas carol?
Oh Camel, Ye Faithful

When is a Christmas dinner bad for your health?
When you’re the turkey…

What’s every elf’s favorite type of music?
Wrap

Who is a Christmas tree’s favorite singer?
Spruce Springsteen

What does Santa use to bake cakes?
Elf-raising flour

Why did the choir have to cancel their carol concert?
They caught tinsel-itis

What is the duck’s favourite Christmas carol?
In The Beak Midwinter

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