Category: uncategorized
Soooo much food
Who the fuck steals deodorant?
I’m in Italy for a work strategic retreat. When I packed my suitcase on Sunday night, I packed some toiletteries, my phone charger and my camera charger in the front of my suitcase. I didn’t really give it much thought and checked my bag in at Geneva. I took lots of pictures the first day and tried to recharge my camera, but couldn’t find my charger. OK, thought I, I must’ve left it at home. Later that night, when I went to brush my teeth, I realised that my toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant and cologne had also gone awol. Now I could believe forgetting one item, but not the whole kit. A bent baggage handler must’ve scooped out my front pocket at the airport. Yay.
In brighter news though, the Italians are trying to kill me with mountains of delicious food.
WTF Orange?
I’m in Italy at the moment and my shiny shiny new cell phone is as useless as a brick because my new contract doesn’t have roaming activated. I just spoke with customer services and they can’t enable that option until 6 months have passed on the contract “to avoid huge roaming bills”
What’s insane is that my contract includes 30 minutes of talk time when I travel anywhere in Europe. Except I can’t use it. Because my roaming is blocked.
Fucktards.
Random music moment
I’m in Italy, at the Nestlé R&D center in Casa Buitoni, for a team building / brainstorming session with my group. I’ve just had a very good Italian dinner (3 hour affair) and I’m in my room getting ready for bed. Amusingly, somewhere down the hill in the village is a Pink Floyd tribute concert that’s been belting out some pretty good renditions of the classics all evening. I can still hear it through my bedroom windows. Random. Also, kick ass :-)
The simple acts of kindness…
We haven’t found our kettle yet from the bombsite that is our house. I grabbed a coffee in town after dropping Ben off to school but Katy didn’t have any because she was still at gome. On my way back to the flat, I stopped at Le Petit Manoir, a hotel near the building, and asked them if they did take away. They didn’t, but when I looked dejected and told them we just moved and hadn’t found our coffee maker yet, she made me a tray and told me yo just bring it back. When I tried to pay for it, she just gave it to me.
Bless that kind woman.
Running on stress, caffeine and nicotine
Soo tired.
Child woke up at 4:30am on moving day and would not settle back.
Movers who should have been there first thing in the morning arrived at 3pm.
Furniture that had been dismantled by one crew of movers in the understanding that it would be reassembled by another crew not rebuilt.
Finished building Ben’s bed at 8:45pm.
Child woke up at 4:30 this morning.
Looong day ahead.
So simple, so brilliant!

The Swiss post office offers a service that I think is brilliant. I’m always needing to post stuff but I don’t always have stamps on me, or I don’t have time to go to the post office. Solution: send a pre-paid SMS, get a code, write it on the enveloppe, send letter!
This is one of those brilliant ideas I wish I’d thought of.
Simon Pegg and Nick Frost cover Daft Punk – Get Lucky
Bill Bailey’s top ten qualms about modern life

Pop music
I was becoming that person I never wanted to be, who says: ‘These are not tunes! You can’t whistle ’em.’ So I compared the current charts with the charts when I was a teenager in the early Eighties. The charts now are very homogeneous. Then, they were all over the place: a rock song, disco, punk, a novelty song about a chicken. It was about fun. That’s what’s missing from modern music.
Growing older
In Western culture, we’re very bad at revering older people. My grandparents lived with us and my memory of coming home from school is talking through the business of the day with them. I liked that. But a lot of older people find themselves on their own and that’s a tragedy. When I go to Indonesia, I see huge extended families. It might be chaotic and cramped, but everyone’s included.
Celebrity culture
I react badly when I’m introduced as ‘a celebrity’. When I was growing up, there were astronauts and scientists who attained celebrity as a consequence of talent. That process has been eroded to the point that you can now be ‘a’ celebrity – or that horrible abbreviation ‘celeb’. It sounds like a cross between a slug and a shed.
Forgotten heroes
Sometimes people who are unashamed about self-promotion are the ones history remembers. But there’s a treasure trove of people who, for the luck of history or their self- effacing manner, were not in the spotlight. If I could, I would devote time to telling their stories.
Science versus God
What I find amusing is that the Higgs boson particle scientists were searching for was nicknamed the ‘God particle’. Yet, if it was found to exist – which they now say it does – it would mean perhaps there is no God. But nobody could agree whether it existed or not; even now it’s just dots on a screen. It’s been said that the higher you get into science, the more conceptual conversations start to resemble religious conversations. Perhaps science is the new God.
Modern comedy
I don’t like cruelty in comedy, ill-thought-out routines that get a reaction because there’s a shock to them, when the subjects of the jokes are vulnerable people. Comedy should be escapist and thought-provoking. In straitened times, comedy is a useful safety valve for peopleto let off steam. It’s a way of airing a sense of injustice in public so that politicians and bankers are brought down to size.
Teaching and ignorance
I was horrified by a survey where a depressingly high number of kids couldn’t match up chops with the correct animals. So I jumped at the chance to do a campaign – Farming and Countryside Education (FACE) – to reconnect kids with food. Parents have an obligation to get their kids outside because teachers are bogged down with the curriculum.
Gadget mania
I’m a terrible one for gadgets. But what bugs me is that you buy something and six months later the update doesn’t fit with it. It’s our own fault. We’re constantly shown glittering images of new devices and they’re impossible to resist.
Britain’s global tinkering
We imagine ourselves to be more important than we are. What was a global empire is now a small country in northern Europe. The myth is: We’ll send the chaps in… bish, bash, bosh! Then they all leave in tanks and planes, waving ‘Jolly good luck!’ It doesn’t happen like that. You get embroiled in a long, costly war of attrition that never seems to achieve anything. Afghanistan is just tragic.
Cluster-qualms
These are when one worry splits like an amoeba in two, then into four, then suddenly you’ve got 64 worries. On a trip to the shops, you can’t park. Then you think, I shouldn’t be driving… But I need a car to get all the stuff. Do I need all that stuff? I should be growing my own vegetables. But I live in London and there’s not enough space… Aarrgghh!


