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Very interesting article from the Times

Posted on November 2, 2007 By admin 1 Comment on Very interesting article from the Times

Not tonight, dear . . . in fact, not ever

Feminism gave women control of their sex lives, but has it gone too far? Author and sex expert Dr Pam Spurr argues that many women are risking their relationships by saying no

Emily, 37, is a successful solicitor with a husband and a two-year-old son. To her friends, she doubtless lives a charmed existence. But recently she sat across from me in a life coaching session. She was very distressed. Having just discovered that her husband of five years had had an affair, she felt that her world had disintegrated. Shed been a good partner, hadnt she? She was caring and hardworking, wasnt she?

Closer examination of their relationship revealed that Emily hadnt had sex with her husband for many months. When I pushed Emily gently on this she was incredibly defensive. It was her view that she was too busy with her career and raising their son to give any thought or time to sex.

Over the past two decades I have worked as a psychologist, life coach and sex expert, and I have found that Emilys attitude is all too common. And such views dont bode well for the success of relationships. With increasing frequency, women in their twenties, thirties and forties take a pragmatic, postfeminist view that sex is something over which they have no need to negotiate. In the bedroom, there is no compromise. If a man has a higher sex drive than a woman, then he can sort himself out. If he wants to try something new and she cant be bothered, tough luck to him.

Eventually, Emily and her husband repaired their relationship which meant learning how to confront their differences, including sexual ones.

Olivia, a 39-year-old investment consultant, was less fortunate. She had wanted to make certain financial investments that her husband was against. Issues about their finances spread bad feeling into all other areas of their life and, like a stone dropped in water, the ripples from their acrimonious discussions reached far and wide.

When Olivia found that the stress of their differences diminished her sex drive, she felt completely justified in suggesting separate bedrooms. As she recounted to me with bitter regret, after their divorce sex had been the last thing on her mind. Her biggest mistake was not considering what was on his mind.

Having researched my new book, as well as talked to thousands of men and women over the years, I now firmly believe that too many women see the sexual side of their lives as something to be claimed completely and utterly as their own. Thats fine for single women flexing their sexual muscles.

But once they settle into a relationship, many will continue to do so. This doesnt make sense to me at all and unfortunately Im privy to the heartbreak and distress that goes along with this view.

Like it or not, a sexless life is at the root of much heartache and many affairs and/or relationship break-ups. And although lack of sex can often be a symptom of other problems that lead a relationship to break down, it can also be the cause.

At the risk of being called old-fashioned (though I dont think that old-fashioned should always have negative connotations) and antifeminist, Id go so far as to say that for both partners sex could be considered a duty, if it is something that one partner knows would make the other happy.

Does he really want to go up on the roof to repair a leak on a Sunday afternoon?

Does she really want to take out the rubbish in the pouring rain? No, but partners in relationships do such things because they know that it makes the other happy. Sex should be seen in the same light.

I am not advocating submission. I oppose the idea that anyone should feel pressured into sex; I understand that the sexualisation of society often puts unnatural expectations on both women and men. I am merely pointing out that sex, as with other parts of a relationship, needs constant care and compromise. Why should the sexual area of a relationship be ringed by an emotional fence that makes it a no-go zone for discussion, while other areas are discussed openly, argued over and resolved?

Sometimes where sex has waned, both parties initially had different physical needs that were not discussed openly at the time. I have spoken to a fair few thirty-something women who settle down with a decent chap knowing that hell make a good father. On producing babies, though, many such men find themselves left out in the cold when they still desire the sexual warmth that they initially enjoyed. Such complete sexual pragmatism seems fair to these women, but what about the men? To them, sexually, men dont seem to matter much once they have served their purpose.

Sometimes both partners feel that sex does not rank highly on their list of priorities. Thats fine. Theres no negotiation necessary when youre both in agreement. But many women simply feel that their lives are too stressful, or that they are dealing with other relationship issues, and they dont want to raise sex as yet another issue with which to contend.

That is a very dangerous place to be if the man doesnt feel the same way. You may find, as Emily did, that he will seek sexual satisfaction without you. I certainly dont justify infidelity but I can often understand why it happens. In contrast, when a womans sexual needs are denied, Heaven help the man responsible.

Jessica, 36, a political lobbyist, told me that she felt strongly that she and her husband were too young to give up enjoying sexual pleasure. It caused her much pain that he put long hours at work above consideration for their sex life. Tellingly, the reaction from many of her friends was How dare he?

That goes to the heart of this issue. As women, we have come to expect that we can control our sex lives completely but we get angry when a man wants to do so.

Some may argue that sex is such an intimate and personal set of behaviours and beliefs that lack of compromise is justified. I would argue quite the opposite. It is because of its personal nature that sex should be explored between a couple. And by exploring their differences, and reconciling them, a couples attachment to, and love for, each other is often heightened.

In other cases I have found an even more disturbing attitude: that its fine to use occasional sex in a cold-hearted and calculated way as a favour or bartering tool for jobs well done by the man.

Amanda, a 38-year-old photographer, bartered sexual favours with her live-in partner when he did a particularly difficult piece of DIY or nasty bit of graft, such as unplugging drains. Using sex as a bargaining chip demeans both partners.

The solution is to take a holistic approach to a relationship and understand that every part of it careers, finances, family issues, sex needs nurturing and understanding. Its the only I count sexual attitudes that are killing off much sexual intimacy.

Never be bullied into sexual activity that turns you off or be pressured into sex that doesnt satisfy you. But always be prepared to discuss your feelings and desires and listen to his. Hopefully, that will improve your sex life and help to strengthen your relationship in other ways, too.

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Ladies and gents, let me introduce Roodie Doodie

Posted on November 1, 2007 By admin

Anybody that can make funny ninja toons rocks in my book. As a bonus, there are Dr. Who, Freddy vs Jason, Superman, Batman and Spiderman and Dracula and Frankenstein toons.

A better way to waste time at work I have not come across in a very long time!

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Church ordered to pay $10.9 million for funeral protest

Posted on November 1, 2007 By admin

A grieving father won a nearly $11 million verdict Wednesday against a fundamentalist Kansas church that pickets military funerals in the belief that the war in Iraq is a punishment for the nation's tolerance of homosexuality.

Albert Snyder of York, Pennsylvania, sued the Westboro Baptist Church for unspecified damages after members demonstrated at the March 2006 funeral of his son, Lance Cpl. Matthew Snyder, who was killed in Iraq.

The jury first awarded $2.9 million in compensatory damages. It returned later in the afternoon with its decision to award $6 million in punitive damages for invasion of privacy and $2 million for causing emotional distress.

U.S. District Judge Richard Bennett noted the size of the award for compensating damages “far exceeds the net worth of the defendants,” according to financial statements filed with the court.

Church members routinely picket funerals of military personnel killed in Iraq and Afghanistan, carrying signs such as “Thank God for dead soldiers” and “God hates fags.”

A number of states have passed laws regarding funeral protests, and Congress has passed a law prohibiting such protests at federal cemeteries. But the Maryland lawsuit is believed to be the first filed by the family of a fallen serviceman.

The church and three of its leaders — the Rev. Fred Phelps and his two daughters, Shirley Phelps-Roper and Rebecca Phelps-Davis, 46 — were found liable for invasion of privacy and intent to inflict emotional distress.

Snyder claimed the protests intruded upon what should have been a private ceremony and sullied his memory of the event. The church members testified they are following their religious beliefs by spreading the message that the deaths of soldiers are due to the nation's tolerance of homosexuality.

Their attorneys argued in closing statements Tuesday that the burial was a public event and that even abhorrent points of view are protected by the First Amendment, which guarantees freedom of speech and religion.

The judge said the church's financial statements, sealed earlier, could be released to the plaintiffs. Earlier, church members staged a demonstration outside the federal courthouse.

Church founder Fred Phelps held a sign reading “God is your enemy,” while Shirley Phelps-Roper stood on an American flag and carried a sign that read “God hates fag enablers.”

Members of the group sang “God Hates America” to the tune of “God Bless America.”

Snyder sobbed when he heard the verdict, while members of the church greeted the news with tightlipped smiles.

Fred W. Phelps Sr., Westboro's founder, vowed to appeal to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 4th Circuit, in Richmond, Va. “It's going to be reversed in five minutes,” he said. This case, he added, “will elevate me to something important,” as it draws more publicity to his cause.

“The goofy jury threw a fit at God,” Phelps said.

For years Westboro members have crisscrossed the country, turning somber funerals of soldiers from Iraq and Afghanistan into attention-grabbing platforms to criticize homosexuals as immoral and damned. The church's 75-member congregation is composed mainly of Phelps' relatives.

The group also blames disasters, including Hurricane Katrina, the Sept. 11 attacks and AIDS, on what it views as permissive morals in violation of biblical dictates.

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Oh shut the fuck up, will you?

Posted on October 31, 2007 By admin 1 Comment on Oh shut the fuck up, will you?

In Pasadena, Calif., the Christmases and New Years are seldom white, which is why one California Institute of Technology (Caltech) student thought it might be fun to add an unexpected snow flurry to the annual Rose Parade on New Year's Day. Wanting to ensure his impromptu dusting wouldn't scare anyone, the student first spoke with local police.

Instead of responding with a simple yea or nay, the police launched an investigation, recounts Thomas Mannion, assistant vice president for campus life at Caltech. Six different police departments and the Department of Homeland Security contacted the would-be prankster before authorities dropped the case.

As the US celebrates Halloween, a night of time-honored trickery, college campuses across the nation may find themselves the target of many a practical joke. What's changed is how these jokes are carried out. Cultural shifts have altered the boundaries of what's acceptable, and 9/11 has raised new security concerns. All of this has made administration-monitored pranking the norm for universities that wish to preserve the tradition.

For better or worse, the days of prank-first, question-later are gone. In an open letter to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology student body, which, like Caltech, has a longstanding history of pranks, Chancellor Phillip Clay wrote earlier this month, “We cannot deny the fact that what was tolerated in the past, and may even have been celebrated, is now viewed differently.”

In the mid-'80s, for example, MIT students hacked the elevator system in a campus building. When passengers pushed a button, the car delivered them to a random floor. While the prank, or hack, as they're called at MIT, has attained legendary status, Kirk Kolenbrander, vice president for institute affairs, says that now such a stunt would likely make waves.

“That's clever, but at the same time our society today would say that there are real safety issues if that elevator is needed in an emergency,” says Mr. Kolenbrander. “Our world has a different patience for those issues than it once did.”

Even among the student body, tolerance for tomfoolery has begun to change. Following complaints in 2000 from several students at Harvey Mudd College in Claremont, Calif., about an annual prank where sophomores perform elaborate freshman room rearrangements such as turning a dorm room into a campsite, complete with sod administrators decided that rather than sacrifice their prank culture, they would refine it by creating a “no prank list.”

“There is an implicit assumption that when you come to Harvey Mudd that you are willing to be party to pranks against you and your room,” explains Guy Gerbick, associate dean of students. “We tell students during orientation, 'If you don't want to have certain things or yourself or any of your stuff pranked, let us know, and we'll put you on a list.' ”

Over half the student body has registered. According to Mr. Gerbick, most make specific demands, such as not to interrupt sleep or meddle with a prized guitar or stuffed-animal collection. Only about 15 students have asked for no involvement whatsoever.

At both Harvey Mudd and Caltech, students must get administrative approval before they perform pranks that way they can be left up for the entire campus to enjoy. When Mr. Mannion began working at Caltech 14 years ago, he was distressed by a decline in student pranks at the institution, which holds the No. 1 ranking on the all-time college prank list, according to the Museum of Hoaxes. Caltech took top honors for a 1961 Rose Bowl stunt, in which Washington students were tricked into proudly holding flip cards aloft to spell “CALTECH.”

Hoping to create a climate more inviting to high jinks, Mannion now counsels students about potential pranks, and, if he gives the OK, campus police and janitors are not allowed to stop the stunt. Caltech even has a $10,000+ fund to finance student pranks.

For university police on campuses with an established pranking culture, officers “walk a fine line,” says John DiFava, director of security and campus police services at MIT in Cambridge, Mass, In most cases, his department will not actively try to stop pranks, although if they see students trespassing, they will intervene.

“On one side of the equation you have a policy that says there are certain places with restricted access, and on the other side you have a tradition that's celebrated from all different quarters of the institute … and we're caught in the middle,” says Mr. DiFava. “It's a really tough position.”

Despite any potential friction they can create, Mannion argues that good practical jokes serve an important role in higher learning. “Pranks are great for all kinds of things: organizational skills, social skills, publicity,” he explains. Mannion wrote a letter of recommendation for a student applying to the Rhodes Scholar program largely based on abilities he demonstrated on a cross-country prank against MIT.

For Todd Gingrich, a Caltech senior who has flown all the way to Boston to prank MIT students, a good prank is an opportunity for students to demonstrate their technical skills in a creative manner. “It's a way to show that locking ourselves in our rooms and studying forever can actually lead to some practical and amusing results,” he says.

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Understatement of the year :)

Posted on October 30, 2007 By admin

Muslim Minister Stopped And Searched

Britain's first Muslim minister has been stopped and searched at a US airport – after attending a series of meetings on tackling terrorism.

International Development Minister Shahid Malik, the MP for Dewsbury, said he was annoyed at being singled out, especially as the same thing happened to him in the US last year.

Mr Malik – and two other Muslim passengers – were taken aside at Dulles Airport in Washington DC. His hand luggage was analysed for traces of explosive materials.

He was searched and detained by the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) – the same department whose representatives he had been meeting during his visit.

Mr Malik said: “After a few minutes a couple of other people were also taken to one side. We were all Muslims – the other two were black Muslims, both with Muslim names.”

Mr Malik said he was particularly annoyed as a similar thing happened to him last year, when he was detained for an hour at JFK airport in New York by the DHS.

This was despite the fact he was a keynote speaker at an event organised by the department, alongside the FBI and Muslim organisations in New York. The theme of that speech was tackling extremism and defeating terrorism.

Mr Malik said he received numerous apologies and assurances from US authorities after that incident.

After his second detention, which lasted about 40 minutes, he said: “I am deeply disappointed.

“The abusive attitude I endured last November I forgot about and I forgave. But I really do believe that British ministers and parliamentarians should be afforded the same respect and dignity at US airports that we would bestow upon our colleagues in the Senate and Congress.

“Obviously, there was no malice involved, but it has to be said that the US system does not inspire confidence.”

Source: Sky News

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Giving kudos to the man

Posted on October 26, 2007 By admin

In January 1955, Homer Jacobson, a chemistry professor at Brooklyn College, published a paper called Information, Reproduction and the Origin of Life in American Scientist, the journal of Sigma Xi, the scientific honor society.

In it, Dr. Jacobson speculated on the chemical qualities of earth in Hadean time, billions of years ago when the planet was beginning to cool down to the point where, as Dr. Jacobson put it, one could imagine a few hardy compounds could survive.

Nobody paid much attention to the paper at the time, he said in a telephone interview from his home in Tarrytown, N.Y. But today it is winning Dr. Jacobson acclaim that he does not want from creationists who cite it as proof that life could not have emerged on earth without divine intervention.

So after 52 years, he has retracted it.

The retraction came about when, on a whim, Dr. Jacobson ran a search for his name on Google. At age 84 and after 20 years of retirement, I wanted to see, what have I done in all these many years? he said. It was vanity. What can I tell you?

He found many entries relating to his work on compounds called polymers; on information theory, a branch of mathematics involving statistics and probability; and other subjects. But others were for creationist sites that have taken up his 1955 paper as scientific support for their views.

Darwinismrefuted.com, for example, says Dr. Jacobsons paper undermines the scenario that life could have come about by accident. Another creationist site, Evolution-facts.org, says his findings mean that within a few minutes, all the various parts of the living organism had to make themselves out of sloshing water, an impossible feat without a supernatural hand.

Ouch, Dr. Jacobson said. It was hideous.

That is not because he objects to religion, he said. Though he was raised in a secular household, he said, Religion is O.K. as long as you dont fly in the face of facts. After all, he said, no one can disprove the existence of God. But Dr. Jacobson said he was dismayed to think that people might use his work in what he called malignant denunciations of Darwin.

Things grew worse when he reread his paper, he said, because he discovered errors. One related to what he called a conjecture about whether amino acids, the basic building blocks of protein and a crucial component of living things, could form naturally.

Under the circumstances I mention, just a bunch of chemicals sitting together, no, he said. Because it takes energy to go from the things that make glycine to glycine, glycine being the simplest amino acid.

There were potential sources of energy, he said. So to say that nothing much would happen in its absence is totally beside the point. And that is a point I did not make, he added.

Another assertion in the paper, about what would have had to occur simultaneously for living matter to arise, is just plain wrong, he said, adding, It was a dumb mistake, but nobody ever caught me on it.

Vance Ferrell, who said he put together the material posted on Evolution-facts.org, said if the paper had been retracted he would remove the reference to it. Mr. Ferrell said he had no way of knowing what motivated Dr. Jacobson, but said that if scientists look like they are pro-creationist they can get into trouble.

There is an embarrassment, Mr. Ferrell said.

Dr. Jacobson conceded that was the case. He wrote in his retraction letter, I am deeply embarrassed to have been the originator of such misstatements.

It is not unusual for scientists to publish papers and, if they discover evidence that challenges them, to announce they were wrong. The idea that all scientific knowledge is provisional, able to be challenged and overturned, is one thing that separates matters of science from matters of faith.

So Dr. Jacobsons retraction is in the noblest tradition of science, Rosalind Reid, editor of American Scientist, wrote in its November-December issue, which has Dr. Jacobsons letter.

His letter shows, Ms. Reid wrote, the distinction between a scientist who cannot let error stand, no matter the embarrassment of public correction, and people who cling to dogma.

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Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired.

Posted on October 26, 2007 By admin

Usually, you can set your watch by the cat's schedule. Last night, to throw a spanner in the works and to prove who's really master of the house, the little bugger decided to not come in when we went to bed.

We didn't think much of it when we went to bed, but when we woke up in the night to go to the loo and found he still wasn't in, we began to worry. And worry. And think about the worst. So at midnight, 3am and 5am, we were up and yelling as quietly as possible for the cat to come in. That's when we really started feeling the bad mojo – thoughts of the cat being eaten by foxes, run over by wild rampaging horses, or abducted by cat-eating aliens. You get the picture. We didn't get any sleep last night.

And the cat?

He ambled in this morning, shed a few slugs on the living room carpet as usual, wolfed down some food and buggered off outside again.

Bastard.

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Posted on October 23, 2007 By admin

A bunch of pictures we took in Leicester a few weekends ago when the Grogans went to put flowers on Katy's grandmother's tomb.

All pics here: http://www.flubu.com/various_pics/leicester_oct_2007/

  
  

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True, how true.

Posted on October 23, 2007 By admin 1 Comment on True, how true.

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Bonfire event banned in Guy Fawkes' home town

Posted on October 23, 2007 By admin

A bonfire celebration in York, the home town of Guy Fawkes, has been banned on health and safety grounds, the local council said on Tuesday.

Thousands were due to attend the spectacle on the 402nd anniversary of Fawkes' failed plot to blow up parliament but York City Football Club was told their ground was too small to ensure spectator safety, a decision which left the head of the cathedral city's tourist board “lost for words.”

York Council's head of licensing, Dick Haswell, declined to be interviewed on Tuesday but in an emailed statement he defended the decision, saying it was made on health and safety grounds.

“Because the football club was proposing to hold a firework display in a certified sports ground, legally, they had to apply to York's Safety at Sports Advisory Group for a Special Safety Certificate,” he said.

“Unfortunately the ground was not large enough to provide the necessary distance between the area where fireworks could fall and spectators.”

The chief executive of York Tourism Board, Gillian Crudass, said she was “lost for words” at the council's decision.

“We are very much disappointed because it is a British tradition,” she told Reuters. “It attracts a lot of interest not just from local people, but also from visitors from all around the country who come for a short break — as well as international interest.”

A spokesman for the football club declined to comment.

Guy Fawkes was born in April 1570 in Stonegate, York and was in charge of executing the Roman Catholic plot to blow up parliament and the protestant King James 1 during the state opening of parliament on November 5, 1605. The plot was uncovered at the last minute and Fawkes was caught and executed early in 1606.


Health & Safety has gone way beyond insane in this country. It's at the point where emergency services are told not to go into dangerous situations or perform acts that could jeopardize their safety. When you're a cop or a fireman, that's most of your job description… Especially for the firemen, who need to be trained on how to use a reclining chair for their rest-but-not-sleep† periods and even moreso for the policemen who need to be trained on the proper way to ride a bicycle‡.

Holiday light displays will probably be greatly reduced this year. Crippling insurance costs and absurd safety requirements mean many local authorities have abandoned their traditional lighting displays. Health & Safety insist that displays must be put up using specialized hydraulic equipment (not ladders, perish the thought!). Every surface to which a light is attached must undergo a rigorous 'pull-test' to make sure it is strong enough to hold a cable. Many councils have also been ordered to use a pressure gauge to test every bolt (!!!)which holds a cable or light fitting to a wall. Source: Daily Mail

I mean, for fuck's sake… Give common sense a chance?

†The men and women of the Greater Manchester fire service have been told they can only rest in prescribed reclining chairs – and only after they have been trained to use them. Three experienced firemen are facing disciplinary action over “involvement in the use of unauthorised rest facilities”. They defied their orders to rest only on the £400 reclining chairs, which were installed as a replacements for beds in Greater Manchester's 41 fire stations last year. They are accused of breaking regulations by deciding it was more comfortable to use their own sleeping bags and bed down on the floor. Source: Daily Mail

‡Police constables and community support officers who have less than a year's experience of patrolling on bikes have been told by the health and safety bosses at Greater Manchester Police that they must walk or use cars until a safety review is carried out because it was felt that that officers who have patrolled on bikes for less than 12 months did not have sufficient experience and road awareness to continue to ride. Source: Telegraph

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