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Disgruntled Asian Tattoo Artist Inks His Revenge

Pitt junior Brandon Smith wanted a tattoo that proclaimed his manliness, so he decided to get the Chinese characters for strength and honor on his chest. After 20 minutes under the needle of local tattoo artist Andy Sakai, he emerged with the symbol for small penis embedded in his flesh.

I had it for months before I knew what it really meant, Smith said.

Then I went jogging through the Carnegie Mellon campus and a group of Asian kids started laughing and calling me Shorty. Thats when I knew something was up.

Sakai, an award-winning tattoo artist, was tired of seeing sacred Japanese words, symbols of his heritage, inked on random white people. So he used their blissful ignorance to make an everlasting statement. Any time acustomer came to Sakais home studio wanting Japanese tattooed on them, he modified it into a profane word or phrase.

All these preppy sorority girls and suburban rich boys think theyre so cool cause they have a tattoo with Japanese characters. But it doesnt mean shit to them! Sakai said. The dumbasses dont even realize that Ive written slut or pervert on their skin!

In the last month, seven people unknowingly received explicit tattoos from the disgruntled artist. Kerri Baker, a Carlow College freshman, paid $50 to have the symbols for beautiful goddess etched above her belly button, but when she went into Szechuan Express Asian Noodle Shop sporting a bare midriff, the giggling employees explained to her that the tattoo really said, Insert General Tsos Chicken Here!

I dont even like General Tsos! Baker sobbed. Im a vegetarian!

Sakai doesnt feel guilty about using hapless college students as canvases for his graffiti.

I think Im helping my fellow man by labeling all the stupid people in the world, he explained. Its not a crime, its a public service.

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Asian Tattoo Artist Inks Revenge Behind Bars

When local tattoo artist Andy Sakai was sentenced to five years in prison for inking profanities on hordes of hapless customers, many thought his days of body desecration were over.

They were wrong.

Sakais latest victims are no longer college students. His current targets are, ironically, his fellow inmates.

Using a tattoo gun fashioned out of a sharpened paper clip, dental floss, and a ballpoint pen taped to a plastic spork, the disgruntled prisoner has drawn Black Panther Party symbols on white supremacists, written CRIPS 4 EVA on rival gang members, and left dozens of hardened criminals with butterflies, fairies, and unicorns permanently etched in their skin.

“I wanted a stack of skulls on my back,” said murderer Jimmy Drake, “and that Asian prick gave me a giant Winnie the Pooh!”

Many prisoners ask for spider webs on their elbows to signify time spent in jail. Sakais webs have hidden messages in them such as, “Fuck Cops,” “I Swallow,” and “Salad Tosser.” Sakai got the idea for the cryptic tats after reading Charlottes Web in the prison library. “That E.B. Whites a genius, man,” Sakai proclaimed.

For his own protection, Sakai has been moved to solitary confinement where hell serve the rest of his sentence.

“Prison isnt so bad,” Sakai said. “It gives me time to sit and seriously contemplate my next diabolically evil plan!”

Left work early today. I had the headache that wouldn't quit and Katy was also feeling quite crappy. She's been feeling under the weather for the last few days. I think she's coming down with a cold. The classic signs: headaches, fever, full body aches and now a bit of a cough is coming in. Grrrrr *kicks the cold*. I'm doing my best to keep her comfy – there's not much else I can do at the moment and that pisses me off to no extent. There's a pot of homemade chicken soup simmering on the oven, and I'm making sure she has enough liquids.

I tried my hand at making quiche last night. The pastry was a challenge. I wanted to hurl everything through my kitchen window at one point. Still, I managed to salvage something that Katy says is decent – even if I found it a bit too dry and crumbly. The quiche filling itself though was a smashing success: eggs, milk, cheese, cream, bacon, leeks and mushrooms. It was all golden brown when it came out of the oven and was nummy. We had it again for breakfast this mornign :)

I'm being attacked by a pink dinosaur whose name effectively means nosehair.

… or in other words, All Your Brains Are Belong To Us.

One in three U.S. high school students say the press ought to be more restricted, and even more say the government should approve newspaper stories before readers see them, according to a survey being released today. The survey of 112,003 students finds that 36% believe newspapers should get “government approval” of stories before publishing; 51% say they should be able to publish freely; 13% have no opinion. Asked whether the press enjoys “too much freedom,” not enough or about the right amount, 32% say “too much,” and 37% say it has the right amount. Ten percent say it has too little.

Original link here: http://www.usatoday.com/news/education/2005-01-30-students-press_x.htm

Yes, it's what you think it is. Katy's reaction: you are *so* washing that. Poor thing was really traumatized. You should have seen the wild look on his face when he touched the buzzy thing :D

Said this morning: “I want a hig and a kuss”…

That's one of my better ones.

Buttermilk Rolls
1 tablespoon dry yeast
1/4 cup warm water (105-115 degrees F)
1 1/2 teaspoons sugar
2 cups regular or non-fat buttermilk
3 tablespoons canola or other vegetable oil
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1 cup whole wheat flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
2 1/2 to 3 1/2 cups unbleached white flour

In a small bowl, combine the yeast water and sugar and set aside until bubbles begin to rise to the surface, about 5 minutes.

Warm the buttermilk, oil and salt in a saucepan to about 115 degrees (about 40oC – warm to touch). Transfer to a large bowl. In a separate bowl, sift together with whole wheat flour, baking soda and 2 cups of the white flour. When the yeast is bubbly and dissolved, add it to the buttermilk mixture. Combine the buttermilk mixture and flour mixture. Beat vigorously 100 strokes. Add enough additional white flour to make a stiff dough. Turn out onto a lightly floured surface and cover with the bowl for 15 minutes.

Uncover and knead well for 5-10 minutes, until the dough is smooth and elastic.

At this point, roll the dough out into a large rectangle, as if to make cinnamon rolls. Roll the dough evenly to about 1/2 inch thickness.

While the dough is resting for 15 minutes, you can start preparing the filling for the rolls. You can get very creative with what you use for filling, but I'll include my simple recipe below.

Savory Filling
8 ounces cream cheese
quarter of a pack of bacon, cubed
2 shallots, chopped
8 mushrooms, such as Shiitake, chopped
coriander, sage, salt, pepper

Cook bacon, shallots and mushrooms. Season to taste with the herbs. When cooked, drain excess fat and combine well with cream cheese.

Assembling the savories
Once the dough has been rolled out and the filling prepared, it is time to assemble the savories. Spread the cheese mixture evenly over the dough, leaving a small margin around all the edges.

Roll the dough and filling cinnamon roll-style, into a tube shape. Seal the seam and turn it to the bottom of the roll. Slice the roll into 1 inch pieces and place on cookie sheets or baking pans lined with parchment.

Cover with a damp towel and allow to rise in a warm place until doubled in size, about 45 minutes to an hour. When the rolls have almost finished rising, preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

When the rolls have risen completely, uncover the rolls and bake for about 20 minutes, until golden brown.

Remove from pans and enjoy. They are particularly good with a bowl of soup or a salad. They can also be individually wrapped in plastic and frozen.

I've been cooking for close to 5 hours straight. In that time, I have made:

– a big batch of pasta sauce goodness
– citrus-glazed orange bundt cake
– bacon & mushroom pastry rolls
– cottage pie dinner.

I'm tired, but god DAY-UM does my apartment smell nice!