The beaver is a proud and noble animal

The new show, Dr Cosmos, which is touring, is about “the bonfire of now. The blazing relentlessness and the effect it has on you. How do you sit still without coming apart at the seams?”

Middle age tends to accelerate the conviction that the world is going to hell in a handcart, but Moran points to “a massive consensus: we’re all agreed that the world is indeed f*cked right now. Everyone knows that the American president is a ludicrous person, in Westminster we’ve got two zombie political parties having a pretend show of political debate that’s never going to lead to anything, and Britain is going through this extraordinary act of sending itself to its room and not coming down as a show of – what? You shat your pants in front of the whole world and you’re sulking? It’s embarrassed by its own behaviour, frankly, and it’s a postcolonial sulk. Everybody’s just looking around, waiting for the embarrassment to fade. But Britain has this tradition of carrying on resolutely, because you’re committed to something, and is therefore locked into a position where it has to be seen to execute the absurdity it doesn’t want to go through with. These are desperate times.”

Oldie but a goodie!

Genius is a comedy game show on BBC Two, adapted from the original radio series hosted by the comedian Dave Gorman. On Genius, members of the public submit a range of unusual ideas and inventions for Gorman and guest celebrity judges to decide whether the idea is “Genius”. The first series began airing on 20 March 2009, following the success of an unbroadcast pilot.

The potential “genius” delivers their idea from a podium while Gorman and his guest talk about the merits of the plan, performing some experiments concerning the idea. The celebrity judge then decides whether the idea is “Genius or not”, which is done by pressing one of two buttons. If the player is declared a genius, the judge pushes the white button and the stage revolves clockwise, where the player enters a white door and is declared “Genius”. If the player is not a genius, the judge pressed the red button and the stage revolves anticlockwise, where the player enters a red door and is declared “Not a genius”. When all of the ideas have been heard, the judge is then given 10 seconds to decide which of the genius ideas is the most genius. The creator of the winning idea is awarded with the Genius Trophy.

In the middle of the show, Gorman and the judge also read out a selection of rejected ideas, to give an idea of the kind of ideas Genius receives.

The Johnnie Vegas episode is still, by far, my favourite.

The torture box: To punish inanimate items.

The conveyor duvet: A duvet cover which surrounds the bed, so that if you pull it towards you, whoever is sleeping with you still has the duvet covering them.