Notes from a bemused canuck
Fifteen ships of the Royal Navy have been named HMS Enterprise (or HMS Enterprize), the earliest dating from 1705. There have been ten ships from the US navy that have been named USS Enterprise, the earliest of those from 1775. Still, the best remembered crew will is, and shall always be, that of NCC-1701.
Don’t let me near the code.
Seriously.
“I’m not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change.” Ken Cheng
“Trump’s nothing like Hitler. There’s no way he could write a book.” Frankie Boyle
“I’ve given up asking rhetorical questions. What’s the point?” Alexei Sayle
“I’m looking for the girl-next-door type. I’m just gonna keep moving house till I find her.” Lew Fitz
“I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the ‘brella’. But he hesitated.” Andy Field
“I’m rubbish with names. It’s not my fault, it’s a condition. There’s a name for it …” Jimeoin
“I have two boys, five and six. We’re no good at naming things in our house.” Ed Byrne
“Whenever someone says, ‘I don’t believe in coincidences’, I say, ‘Oh my God, me neither!’” Alasdair Beckett-King
“As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting, but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer.” Adele Cliff
“Insomnia is awful. But on the plus side – only three more sleeps till Christmas.” Robert Garnham
“Centaurs shop at Topman. And Bottomhorse.” Dan Antopolski
“Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression. What a sad state of affairs.” Paul Savage
“How did the Village People meet? They obviously led such different lives.” John-Luke Roberts
“If you’re being chased by a pack of taxidermists, do not play dead.” Olaf Falafel
We all know that the earth is flat, and vaccines cause autism. So when the fake, left-wing, science nerds tell you not to look at the eclipse without adequate eye protection, you show them…
“Experts are saying that president Trump is already preparing for the 2020 election. Some people think that’s overly optimistic, but others are saying, no, he’ll probably be paroled by then”… Conan O’Brien
Camille, Lam and Ben on the bus to school.
Child is back from scout camp. We think that he had a good time (except for the part where his quadhelix came loose) but we can’t be certain. He seemed happy when he came off the boat and while they were doing the shout outs. Then came tears when he realised that he misplaced one of his badges. Then came the angst about not knowing what he wanted for dinner. Then came the Litany Of Woes (he gets that from his mom) about how Everything Hurts, and how Everything Went Badly, and how Everyone Was Mean, and how he wants another week of holiday before going back to school because, otherwise, What’s The Point….
So yes, my little drama llama is back.
I imagine that this is how Trump sees himself, and how he desperately wants to be seen as: forceful, decisive, presidential.
However, over the last year or so, the “fake news” media has portrayed him in… another light: a bully, a child, a buffoon, a racist, an egomaniac and someone who is completely unsuited for his current role.
A new internet craze is sweeping the web and it sees women holding their breasts in the shape of heart and posting pictures of it online. The bizarre trend – named the “heart shaped boob challenge” – began earlier this week in China.
And within days it has exploded on the country’s most popular social network Weibo, with thousands of women wanting to take part in the challenge.
As part of a work project, I’ve had to comb through a couple of thousand of food pictures associated with user-generated recipes. Dear food bloggers, could you do me a big favour? Yuge favour?
LEARN TO FUCKING TAKE A PICTURE THAT DOESN’T MAKE YOUR FOOD LOOK LIKE 70’S ERA DOG SHIT!
Seriously! I’ve seen medical textbook pictures that look more appealing! The most obvious crimes I’ve seen are:
– Bad lighting. Really, really, really bad lighting.
– Blurry, out of focus pictures. In this day and age?
– Automated date/timestamp overlaid on the pictures. That might be useful for your family holiday pictures, not not for your food blog.
– Content completely unrelated to context. See above picture.
– Ugly plates. Unless the picture was indeed taken in the 70s, nobody should have orange, brown and yellow plates.
– Trying to go completely artsy-fartsy. Just… stop.
– Pictures of brown sludge. Or white sludge. Or beige sludge.
Some – many! – of the pictures I’ve seen make the google image search of “bad food pictures” look like they were taken by professional photographers.
Please. You’ve probably spent a fair amount of time cooking that food. You seem to have a certain amount of pride in it, otherwise you wouldn’t be blogging about it. Why are you shooting yourself in the foot and making it look as unappetizing as humanly possible?