The beaver is a proud and noble animal

Sigh.

So, it happened again. I keep doing the same mistake over and over. To those people who know me, I will be taking your “I told you so”s for the next little while. For those of you who are wondering what the hell I'm talking about, I basically gave my heart away too quickly again.

Oh allright, sounds melodramatic, I know. Basically, the whole Erin thing just went sour. I could see things progress to a state unseen since Tina and I lost perspective. Then reality reared its ugly head, and she told me she was in love with someone she'd just met.

I'll get over it, but it sucks. She's sweet, she's beautiful, and I was attracted to her. Still am.

So Erin and her troupe are headed back to Ottawa. I'm attracted to this girl. She's smart, funny, very beautiful, loves music. The fact that she's in a wheelchair doesn't even figure in the equation. She's beautiful when she laughs, it lights up her whole face. She's one of the most … alive, for lack of a better word… people I know. She came to breakfast with Lorraine – the woman with whom she lives – and Lorraine's daughter Emilie and one of Em's friends.

To be really honest, I have trouble describing what happened in words that would make sense to myself, much less to other people. Breakfast was fun – without much interrogation – and after that, we went to Jillians, the arcade at the forum. It was fun, but I felt like a fifth wheel. I didn't get the chance to talk to Erin all that much, and I actually spent most of the afternoon with Lorraine. Basically, they all had a very intimate dynamic, and I don't know, I just felt a bit out of place. I would have loved to have the chance to talk to Erin more, but I guess I'll have the chance next week.

I think she's still coming – she said she'd see me then, so I'm assuming it's still on. I think I passed the initial screening, but it just felt bizarre as hell to have 3 chaperones, an expression Michel coined and is very appropriate. And even then, I just feel so… bewildered by the whole experience. I guess I'll find out where things stand the next time I talk to her, which should be tonight, I guess.

As a side note, this song should really be added to my previous list.

Come up to meet you,
Tell you I'm sorry,
You don't know how lovely you are.

I had to find you,
Tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets,
And ask me your questions,
Oh, let's go back to the start.

Runnin' in circles,
Comin' up tails,
Heads are a science apart.

Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh, take me back to the start.

I was just guessing,
At numbers and figures,
Pulling your puzzles apart.

Questions of science,
Science and progress,
Do not speak as loud as my heart.

Tell me you love me,
Come back and hold me,
Oh, when I rush to the start.

Runnin' in circles,
Chasin' tails,
Comin' back as we are.

Nobody said it was easy,
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.
I'm goin' back to the start.

I did something last night that I've never done before. I was chatting with miss kitty on my laptop, in bed, and I was really getting tired. so she told me to just stop typing and go to sleep. This caused a bit of a problem, as I wasn't fond on the idea of saying goodnight just yet. We both had webcam feeds on, so in essence, she watched me fall asleep from 200 km away. I could feel my eyelids closing, so I finally said goodnight and put away my laptop.

I slept well, but woke up all giddy this morning at 6 am – to which people who know me will be amazed at – and couldn't get back to sleep. She's coming over for breakfast this morning with some friends. Should be a fun day, even though I feel like I'm going to get grilled and interviewed :P

I've been spending a lot of time lately talking to someone I met recently. She's a wonderful person and I'm really looking forward to meeting her in about a week. We were talking, among many other things today, about music. I realized that I love sharing music with people I care about. There's something really intimate about introducing someone to your favourite song, and telling them why it's important to you, or how you feel about it and why.

In doing so, I came up with the following CD, which would be the definitive “Music of Richard”:

1. Harmonium, Dixie
2. Stevie Ray Vaughan, Little Wing
3. Sting, Shape of my heart
4. Daniel Lavoie, Jours de plaine
5. Stained, It's been a while
6. Peter Gabriel, Don't give up
7. Creed, My sacrifice
8. Tea Party, Walking wounded
9. Stevie Ray Vaughan, Ain't gonna give up on love
10. Elle Fitzgerald, Someone to watch over me
11. Dire Straits, Your latest trick
12. Bet.e & Stef, It's over
13. Pink Floyd, Wish you were here
14. David Usher, Black black heart
15. Dido, Isobel
16. Starmania, Les uns contre les autres
17. Ella Fitzgerald, Summertime
18. Billy Joel, New York state of mind
19. Coldplay, Everything not lost
20. Rush, Subdivisions

These are songs that, for various reasons, have some kind of emotinal impact in my life. Now, to be honest, there's tons of stuff that would also fit on there (the complete Dark Side of the Moon album, for starters), but this is as close to a 20-song compilation as I could get.

As an exercise, gentle reader, what's yours?

Edit: this was a postdated entry, as I never actually got the time to finish it yesterday :)

I had lunch with hyde_grrl today, and I decided to start eating better, so I took a greek salad (but with no tomatoes, and only olive oil and balsamic vinegar as dressing). Lunch was good, talk was light. After coffee, she wanted to go shop for something for her boyfriend, so we went to Lush, which is kinda like a high0end body shop, where we sniffed various body products for the better part of 20 minutes or so.

I hadn't been in the office for 5 minutes that my eyes start watering and my nose, sniffing. To make a long story short, what I thought was just a bit of a reaction to something I must've smelled at the store turned into one pisser of a reaction, which required me to get my ass to the Vic, as my whole face was swollen and red and itchy. Fortunately, I didn't need to use my epipen, as my airways were fine. Benadryl took care of the rest, but I still spent the better part of 5 hours under observation at the hospital. At the end there, I was completely fine, but just waiting for my friggin discharge. It's ironic to have to wait to leave an emergency room.

Anyway, I'm fine now and I'm going home.

I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want. I will answer them honestly. Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.

So I was talking to a little kitty last night, and had my webcam on. I got up to turn the light on, and when I came back in front of my computer, I was told that my bed is kinky.

Now, IMHO, my bed is not kinky. Granted, it's comfortable, and I love the feel of my sheets when they just come out of the dryer, but my bed is just… boring. There's not even any kinky shit happening in it these days (more's the pity).

So, like I said, I have weird friends :)

Edited: cause a smartypants pointed out a typo :P

My sister scored me a pair of excellent tickets to see Alegria in Toronto, on August 21 (that's a saturday).

Now I have someone in mind to go with, but I still need to ask said person. In the event that it doesn't go as planned, anybody interested in coming? I'd probably make a weekend of it in Toronto.

I want a puppydog :(

As I'm writing this, I'm just waking on up on the last day of my long weekend. I'm checking my email, and my parents' dog is sleeping on my lap, with her head on my keyboard. It's a bit of a reach sometimes to hit the right keys, but the warm presence on my lap is worth it.