Tag: news from the stupid

RIAA Bans Telling Friends About Songs

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(LOS ANGELES) The Recording Industry Association of America announced Tuesday that it will be taking legal action against anyone discovered telling friends, acquaintances, or associates about new songs, artists, or albums. “We are merely exercising our right to defend our intellectual properties from unauthorized peer-to-peer notification of the existence of copyrighted material,” a press release signed by RIAA anti-piracy director Brad Buckles read. “We will aggressively prosecute those individuals who attempt to pirate our property by generating 'buzz' about any proprietary music, movies, or software, or enjoy same in the company of anyone other than themselves.” RIAA attorneys said they were also looking into the legality of word-of-mouth “favorites-sharing” sites, such as coffee shops, universities, and living rooms.

You gotta love the Onion :)

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12 days of xmas up 6,1%

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The price tag of the shopping list laid out in the classic holiday song “The Twelve Days of Christmas” is sharply higher this year, hit by such modern-day woes as higher energy and gold prices and concerns about the avian flu, according to an annual survey unveiled Monday.

PNC Advisors, which has charted the cost of the gifts laid out in the song for the last 21 years, put the price of the items this year at $18,348 in 2005, a 6.1 percent increase over last year.

Some presents will be difficult to get at any price this year. The threat of avian flu has restricted the international shipment of birds, thus preventing the purchase of three French hens from France, although there are domestic breeders of French hens which helped keep that gift's cost in line. But all the fowl mentioned in the song cost substantially more this year due to the increased delivery costs from higher energy prices.

Oil isn't the only commodity raising the gift buying prices this year. The “five golden rings” given on the fifth day now cost $325, up 27.5 percent due to rising gold prices.

Even the good news on pricing is a troubling sign for gift givers, as the salaries of most of the workers detailed in the song — the maids-a-milking, lords-a-leaping, pipers piping and drummers drumming are the only gifts for which prices are holding steady. The maids-a-milking each got paid only the $5.15 minimum wage, making an hour of their time the cheapest gift on the list.

The only workers in the song to see increased pay is a modest 4 percent gain for the “nine ladies dancing,” based upon information given to PNC by Philadanco, the Philadelphia Dance Company. They also were the best-paid service providers on the list, earning $508.46 each.

Ordering the gifts over the Internet will cost true love shoppers a premium, again due to the increased delivery costs this year. The overall Internet cost is estimated at $29,322.80, up 5.7 percent from 2004 and a premium of $10,973.93, or nearly 60 percent, from shopping in the more traditional manner.

For the gift giver who goes all out and gives the repeated gifts for each day as detailed in the verses of the song will pay $72,608 for all 364 items, up 9.5 percent from the $66,334 price tag in 2004. That's a much bigger increase than the 1.6 percent increase last year.

Source: http://money.cnn.com/2005/11/28/news/funny/holiday_12days_pricetag/index.htm

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More news from the stupid

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Risking the kind of nationwide ridicule it faced six years ago, the Kansas Board of Education approved new public-school science standards Tuesday that cast doubt on the theory of evolution.

The 6-4 vote was a victory for intelligent design advocates who helped draft the standards. Intelligent design holds that the universe is so complex that it must have been created by a higher power. Critics of the new language charged that it was an attempt to inject God and creationism into public schools, in violation of the constitutional ban on state establishment of religion.

All six of those who voted for the new standards were Republicans. Two Republicans and two Democrats voted no.

This is a sad day. Were becoming a laughingstock of not only the nation, but of the world, and I hate that,[Rc: ya think?] said board member Janet Waugh, a Kansas City Democrat.

Eugenie Scott, executive director of the National Center for Science Education, said the decision would encourage school districts in Kansas and elsewhere to make similar moves, distracting and confusing teachers and students.

It will be marketed by the religious right … as a huge victory for their side, she said. We can expect more efforts to get creationism in. Supporters of the new standards said they would promote academic freedom. [Rc: you're free to think what we tell you to. Riiiiight.]

This is a great day for education. This is one of the best things that we can do, said board chairman Steve Abrams. Another board member who voted in favor of the standards, John Bacon, said the move gets rid of a lot of dogma thats being taught in the classroom today. [Rc: he actually said that with a straight face??]

John Calvert, a retired attorney who helped found the Intelligent Design Network, said changes probably would come to classrooms gradually, with some teachers feeling freer to discuss criticisms of evolution. These changes are not targeted at changing the hearts and minds of the Darwin fundamentalists, Calvert said. [Rc: fundamentalists.. that's rich.]

The Seattle-based Discovery Institute, which supports challenges to Darwinian evolutionary theory, praised the Kansas effort. Students will learn more about evolution, not less as some Darwinists have falsely claimed, institute spokesman Casey Luskin said in a written statement.

The new standards say high school students must understand major evolutionary concepts. But they also declare that the basic Darwinian theory that all life had a common origin and that natural chemical processes created the building blocks of life have been challenged in recent years by fossil evidence and molecular biology.

In addition, the board rewrote the definition of science, so that it is no longer limited to the search for natural explanations of phenomena. [Rc: then a miracle occurs…]

The new standards will be used to develop student tests measuring how well schools teach science. Decisions about what is taught in classrooms will remain with 300 local school boards, but some educators fear pressure will increase in some communities to teach less about evolution or more about creationism or intelligent design.

The vote marked the third time in six years that the Kansas board has rewritten standards with evolution as the central issue. [Rc: How long has Dubya been in office now?]

In 1999, the board eliminated most references to evolution. Harvard paleontologist Stephen Jay Gould said that was akin to teaching American history without Lincoln. Bill Nye, the Science Guy of childrens television, called it harebrained and nutty. And a Washington Post columnist imagined God saying to the Kansas board members: Man, I gave you a brain. Use it, OK?

Two years later, after voters replaced three members, the board reverted to evolution-friendly standards. Elections in 2002 and 2004 changed the boards composition again, making it more conservative. The latest vote likely to bring fresh national criticism to Kansas and cause many scientists to see the state as backward.

Many scientists and other critics contend creationists repackaged old ideas in new, scientific-sounding language to get around a U.S. Supreme Court decision in 1987 against teaching the biblical story of creation in public schools.

The Kansas boards action is part of a national debate. In Pennsylvania, a judge is expected to rule soon in a lawsuit against the Dover school boards policy of requiring high school students to learn about intelligent design in biology class. In August, President Bush endorsed teaching intelligent design alongside evolution.

In an effort to fight back against intelligent-design advocates, a grass-roots group calling itself Campaign to Defend the Constitution said Tuesday that it was launching a $200,000 online ad campaign to combat a threat posed by the religious right to American democracy.

This is a significant attack on science, said Jack Krebs, vice president of Kansas Citizens for Science. They really are advancing a sectarian religious view. Theyre treading on constitutional grounds.

URL: http://msnbc.msn.com/id/9967813/

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Bwahahahahahahahaa!

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Holland – A Dutch designer has created a wall of fake breasts to help male shoppers buy bras that fit their wives or girlfriends. Wendy Rameckers works at the Piet Zwart Institute for Retail and Design in Rotterdam, reports Het Nieuwsblad.

“Most men have a selective memory,” she explained. “They know all about their car, but never seem to know their wife's bra size. “When trying to buy a sexy bra for their wife or girlfriend, usually they point to other women in the shop or, when asked about size, they say a 'handful'.”

The wall consists of rows of silicon breasts in all sizes. By look and touch, male shoppers can work out the right size, she says.

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What could go wrong…

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ATLANTA, Georgia (AP) — Scientists have made from scratch the Spanish flu virus that killed as many as 50 million people in 1918, the first time an infectious agent behind a historic pandemic has ever been reconstructed.

Full article here: http://www.cnn.com/2005/HEALTH/conditions/10/05/1918.flu.pandemic.ap/index.html?section=cnn_us

My first thought is … what's the worst that could happen? And then I remember that we're talking about the US here…

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You say tomato, I say tomate.

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Tingo, nakkele and other wonders

English is a rich and innovative language. But you can't help feeling we're missing out. While English speakers have to describe the action of laughing so much that one side of your abdomen hurts (hardly an economical phrase), the Japanese have the much more efficient expression: katahara itai.

Of course, the English language has borrowed words for centuries. Khaki and croissant are cases in point.

So perhaps it's time to be thinking about adding others to the lexicon. Malay, for instance, has gigi rongak – the space between the teeth. The Japanese have bakku-shan – a girl who appears pretty from behind but not from the front. Then there's a nakkele – a man who licks whatever the food has been served on (from Tulu, India).

These fabulous examples have been collected by author Adam Jacot de Boinod into The Meaning Of Tingo – a collection of words and phrases from around the world. “What I'm really trying to do is celebrate the joy of foreign words (in a totally unjudgmental way) and say that while English is a great language, one shouldn't be surprised there are many others having, as they do, words with no English equivalent,” he says.

Having pored over 280 dictionaries and trawled 140 websites, he is also convinced that a country's dictionary says more about a culture than a guide book. Hawaiians, for instance, have 108 words for sweet potato, 65 for fishing nets – and 47 for banana.

The German propensity for compound words pays dividends. Kummerspeck is a German word which literally means grief bacon: it is the word that describes the excess weight gained from emotion-related overeating.

A Putzfimmel is a mania for cleaning and Drachenfutter – literally translated as dragon fodder – are the peace offerings made by guilty husbands to their wives.

Or there's die beleidigte Leberwurst spielen – to stick one's lower lip out in a sulk (literally, to play the insulted liver sausage). Perhaps it's a Backpfeifengesicht – a face that cries out for a fist in it.

Words and phrases can suggest the character of a nation. The Dutch vocabulary, for instance, seems to confirm the nation's light-hearted reputation. The word uitwaaien is Dutch for walking in windy weather for fun.

The Maori-speakers of the Cook Islands sound like an enthusiastic bunch: the word toto is the shout given in a game of hide-and-seek to show readiness.

Perhaps the Inuit notion of a good time must be, of necessity, a little more constrained. The long winter nights must fly by as they play a game called igunaujannguaq, literally meaning frozen walrus carcass. (The game involves the person in the centre of a ring trying to remain stiff as he is passed around the ring, hand over hand.)

But it's those fun-loving people in the Netherlands who should have the last word – the phrase for skimming stones is as light-hearted as the action: plimpplampplettere.

The Albanians exhibit a strange fascination for facial hair. There are no fewer than 27 separate expressions for the moustache.

Madh means a bushy moustache, posht is a moustache hanging down at the ends and fshes is a long broom-like moustache with bristly hairs.

This hirsute obsession is not confined to moustaches. Vetullkalem describes pencil-thin eyebrows, vetullperpjekur are joined together eyebrows and those arched like the crescent moon are vetullhen.

Perhaps nothing so intriguingly displays differences between nations as the unusual occupations of some of its citizens. Geshtenjapjeks is an Albanian who sells roast chestnuts on the street. A koshatnik in Russian is a dealer of stolen cats.

A kualanapuhi is a Hawaiian officer who keeps the flies away from the sleeping king by waving a brush made of feathers. In Turkey a cigerci is a seller of liver and lungs and the Danish have a fyrassistent – an assistant lighthouse keeper.

And Spanish speakers in central America have a description of a government employee who only shows up on payday – an aviador.

Which brings us back to de Boinod's title: tingo is an invaluable word from the Pascuense language of Easter Island meaning “to borrow objects from a friend's house, one by one, until there's nothing left”.

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Da Vinci plot may get new twist to placate Catholics

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http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,11069-1726165,00.html

So, if they take out religion, the Magdalene, the sacred feminine, Opus Dei, the sex ritual, the Priory of Sion… then, I guess they'll be left with a great car chase movie…

THE film version of The Da Vinci Code is attempting to reduce the offence that the best-selling book caused to Roman Catholics.

Sony Pictures, the studio behind the film starring Tom Hanks and Sir Ian McKellen, is reported to have been so concerned that it has consulted Catholic and other Christian specialists on how it might alter the plot of the novel to avoid offending the devout.

Film officials have held talks with Catholic groups and other organisations despite Dan Brown, the author, insisting that its only a novel and therefore a work of fiction, The New York Times reported yesterday.

The Catholic League is calling for Ron Howard, the films Oscar-winning director, to include a disclaimer acknowledging that the movie is fiction.

The Da Vinci Code, which is being filmed this summer with locations including Winchester Cathedral and Rosslyn Chapel, near Edinburgh, is based on a novel that has sold 25 million copies worldwide. Among its more controversial claims is that Jesus married Mary Magdalene, a former prostitute, and that she bore him a child. This has been denounced as virulently anti-Catholic and a risible hoax.

Opus Dei, the Catholic organisation, is particularly concerned about its own depiction, because it is a central villain in the book. Its members are depicted acting unethically for the sake of God, the Church or Opus Dei, whereas the organisation is a Roman Catholic institution that adheres to Catholic doctrine and condemns immoral behaviour.

The novel portrays Opus Dei in a completely inaccurate way, Brian Finnerty, a spokesman for the group, said.

We wrote to the studio, expressing our concern. They sent back a reply that was polite but non-committal; but Opus Dei is completely unlike the portrayal in the novel.

It is about ordinary people trying to find God, not about searching for the Holy Grail. Its ordinary Catholics trying to come closer to God in their day-to-day activities and it is a mainstream part of the Catholic Church. Its been blessed by all the Popes since the earliest years.

The studio has been asked to consider whether the central premise that Jesus had a child with Mary Magdalene could be more ambiguous and whether the name of Opus Dei could be removed.

Condemnation of the book has been widespread. Last month the Roman Catholic Church in England and Wales denounced it as logically and historically flawed. In March the Vatican appointed a top cardinal to rebut what it dismissed as lies, distortions and errors.

Carl E Olson, a Catholic and co-author of The Da Vinci Hoax, a book rebutting the The Da Vinci Code, predicted that many religious people would be offended unless the film bears a pale resemblance to the book which, he accepts, would risk alienating fans.

Dismissing the novel as trash and poorly written, he said that its historical claims could be torn apart.

Sony declined to comment

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So wrong, so very very wrong :D

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http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/cat_steve_dont_eat_it.php

Favourite quotes:

Lifting the lid revealed a weird sour smell, something akin to mild vinegar and stale meat. I almost want to say it was like a freshly douched pork chop. But I won't. Why? Because I'm a fucking gentleman.

Actually, the little pile inside looked kinda like baked beans. It also smelled kinda like baked beans. If they were baked in the filthy heat of Satan's asshole.

So, how does Huitlacoche taste? Does it matter?? LOOK AT IT!

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