Tag: qotd

Woody Allen said it best:

In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people’s home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities. You become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then voila! You finish off as an orgasm! I rest my case.

War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
Ambrose Bierce

On why the US has fallen from 5th to 14th place worldwide in broadband availability:

“Other countries also have leaders who read newspapers, watch television news programs and use e-mail. America has George Bush.”

:)

Is that your signature, or were you just testing to see if the pen worked?

I don't know how we came to be talking about it, but we were on the subject of the social gaffes made by Prince Philip. Here are some, courtesy of Wikipedia.

The Duke is well-known in Britain for cracking jokes during public visits that can come across as blunt, insensitive, and racist:

* Speaking to a driving instructor in Scotland, he asked: “How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?”
* When visiting China in 1986, he told a group of British students, “If you stay here much longer, you'll all be slitty-eyed”.
* “If it has four legs and is not a chair, has wings and is not an aeroplane, or swims and is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it.” (1986)
* To a British student in Papua New Guinea: “You managed not to get eaten then?”
* In 2002, he asked an Indigenous Australian businessman, “Do you still throw spears at each other?”
* Seeing a shoddily installed fuse box in a high-tech Edinburgh factory, HRH remarked that it looked “like it was put in by an Indian”.
* In 1987, he wrote in his book If I Were an Animal that “In the event that I am reincarnated, I would like to return as a deadly virus, in order to contribute something to solve overpopulation.”

A cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father will let you live forever if you pretend to eat his flesh, drink his blood, and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that he put there a long time ago as punishment for all humanity because a rib-woman made from a dust-man was convinced by a talking snake to eat fruit from a magical tree.

I am so going to hell for finding this hilarious :)

You only want me for my body. Then again, I wouldn't want me for my mind right now…

As he lay dozing peacefully beside me, I tried to reassure myself. I said, “Come on, you're not the first doctor to sleep with a patient.” Then, another small voice said, “But, Rebecca, you're a veterinarian.”