Posts Tagged “dealing with idiots”

We all know that the earth is flat, and vaccines cause autism. So when the fake, left-wing, science nerds tell you not to look at the eclipse without adequate eye protection, you show them…

“Experts are saying that president Trump is already preparing for the 2020 election. Some people think that’s overly optimistic, but others are saying, no, he’ll probably be paroled by then”… Conan O’Brien

I imagine that this is how Trump sees himself, and how he desperately wants to be seen as: forceful, decisive, presidential.

However, over the last year or so, the “fake news” media has portrayed him in… another light: a bully, a child, a buffoon, a racist, an egomaniac and someone who is completely unsuited for his current role.

Then the UK is seriously fucked.

So. Two egomaniac boy-children, with a minimal grasp of reality, are going to have a dick-measuring contest.

With nukes.

Oh, and this isn’t ironic at all. Please note the date:

Imagine how bad he’d feel if he did any work.

White House Survivor: who will be voted off next?

For unimportant reasons, I needed to get a text message on my UK mobile number. I’ve not used that number in a Very Long Time. Apparently, the VLT was offensive to EE because they went ahead and cancelled it.

After talking with a very nice but essentially useless lady from EE customer service, apparently this is a thing that everybody does. A bit of internet digging led me to this table:

PAYG Credit Expiry: When your Pay As You Go credit expires, you’ll no longer be able to use it or recover it. On most mainstream mobile networks, your credit will never expire providing your SIM card remains active. However, on some smaller mobile networks, your credit can expire just 90 days after top-up.
SIM Card Cancellation: When your SIM card is cancelled by the network, you’ll lose coverage on your phone with an error message like “Inactive SIM” or “SIM card registration failed”. Your SIM card will be cancelled automatically if you haven’t used it for a certain amount of time.
Phone Number Deleted: In some cases, your phone number will remain even if your SIM card has already been cancelled. This means you’ll be able to restore service on the phone number and you’ll be able to use a PAC Code to transfer the number to phone another network. If a phone number has been deleted by your mobile network, it’ll no longer be possible to recover it or transfer it to another network.


So, in the end, I ordered an O2 sim card that is as plain as plain can be – which is just what I want. I just need to remember to use it at least twice a year.

We all know that Trump is obsessed with Twitter. At last count, he had over 35 million followers. Surprisingly though, he’s only following 45 accounts (I’m barely on Twitter, and I have double that number). Here’s a quick breakdown of who matters in the world of Trump:

Accounts associated with his children: 6
Accounts associated with politics: 10 (3 of which belong to people he subsequently fired)
Accounts associated with news organizations: 12 (11 of which are directly linked to Fox News)
Accounts associated with the Trump brand: 12

So who does that leave:

Piers Morgan – Professional twat
Vince McMahon – CEO of WWE Wrestling
Mark Burnett – Reality TV producer (among others, the Apprentice)
Roma Downey – Wife of Mark Burnett
Gary Player – Pro golfer

God bless America.

Another bunch of fucktards decided to follow an ideology of hatred and kill a bunch of people out for a walk or a drink. This will do nothing for their goals, except playing into the hands of equally small minded, angry people on the other side. 

It’s tragic in its futility. It’s infuriating that people are using this senseless act to try and push their own agenda. You have this coming from the Muppet-in-Chief of the US:

And then you have the PM trying to say, See? See? I told you so! Except her party and government have been in charge and stirring the pot for the last few years. Shit, she has me agreeing with Nigel! FUCKING NIGEL!!! 

A very cynical part of me is wondering if the back channels might have pushed the crazies into acting, so that Boris could flail around and say “Durr! Corbyn won’t protect you against the bad people” and Theresa could act all strong and stable. 

The only thing preventing me from going down that road is that the current government is full of muppets who don’t have two neurons to connect together across the whole lot of them.

From twitter:

Donald was a curious child,
His hands were small, his hair was wild,
His face was orange like the sun,
He liked to make up words for fun.

But the curiousest thing of all,
A thing so bigly, yet so small,
The little chap had no control,
Of where his fingers chose to stroll.

Where’er he went, his palms would itch,
His tiny digits start to twitch,
They simply just could not resist,
Pressing that and squeezing this

Donald’s riches were untold,
He was obsessed with all things gold.
He lived atop a golden tower,
And loved to take a golden shower.

But Donald wasn’t satisfied
He stomped his feet and cried and cried,
He pulled a face and sucked his thumb,
He even made the Pope look glum

Everyone the small boy met,
Bemoaned his lack of etiquette,
Tall, short, old, young, slim or fat,
They all cried,
“Donald, DON’T DO THAT!”

Keen to stem his groping habit,
Don’s mother thought to buy a rabbit,
And so one Tuesday off they set,
To Mr Melnik’s World of Pets . .

But soon as he ran thru the door
There came a most almighty roar
Of grunts, barks, squawks and squeaking
(He wasn’t good at public speaking)

He rang the budgies’ tiny bells
Prised the turtles from their shells
He didn’t care, wasn’t fussy
He stroked each puppy, grabbed each pussy

‘Out!’ the owner reprimanded,
And so the boy left empty-handed,
Aside from fur clumps and, I fear,
A very tiny piece of ear.

Leaving Melnik and his critters,
Suffering from ticks and jitters,
And also, thanks to our marauder,
Post-traumatic stress disorder.

But there was one place, I recall,
Where Donald acted worst of all,
The boy just wasn’t made for schools,
He simply couldn’t follow rules!

He had no tact, he had no filter
His social skills were out of kilter
The only thing he knew to do
Was yell and yell till class was through

In fact the only friend he had,
Was a strange young fella name of Vlad,
Who drank vodka and Tabasco sauce,
Bare-chested on the rocking horse

Young Donald couldn’t see the harm,
In setting off the fire alarm,
(That naughty little trouble glutton,
Could not resist a big red button)

And when the school had congregated,
In the playground, agitated
Once five minutes had expired,
He’d jump and yell ‘You’ve all been fired!’

It may be true that Donald tried,
To be upright and dignified,
But sad to say, the proverb stands,
The Devil makes work for tiny hands.

Try and try as best he might,
Poor Donald simply couldn’t write,
His teacher stared in disbelief,
When he spelled coverage ‘covfefe’!

Young Donald built a wall one day,
To keep the Mexicans at bay,
But when he said ‘Call me El Jefe!’
They stuck the bricks up his #covfefe.

Making trouble was a cinch,
For the little orange grinch,
He ran with scissors, tugged girls’ hair,
His tiny hands were everywhere!

When Donald set his school aflame,
The fire chief asked who was to blame.
He said, “I cannot tell a lie,
It must have been the FBI.”

Though Donald never touched the booze,
He believed in aliens and Fox News,
Santa, Bigfoot, all things strange
Everything but climate change!

Donald blew his vast resources
On cheeseburgers and new golf courses.
Cash that would be better spent
On meds and anger management.

“Oh Donald!” cried his mother sadly,
“How did you do quite so badly?”
“It’s all lies!” was his retort,
“It must be a fake school report!”

Donald’s face was big and orange,
Which made it very difficult to write a satirical poem about him…