My coffee intake has been slashed dramatically! I'm down to one cup of coffee a day and drink green tea for the rest of the day at work. No caffeine and plenty of anti-oxidants.
The impressive thing is that I've not killed anybody yet!
Day: June 9, 2006
On the complete irrationality of phobias
I told myself today that I would walk to work with my arms bare and my head held high. I told myself that I would not fear the flying insects from hell.
So just to spite me, the universe had a laugh and I got buzzed at the back gate of the EBI and let out a little girl squeek.
I don't know why I'm so scared of flying insects, or where it came from. From my sessions with a phobia therapist, I've kind of come to the conclusion that part of my fear is because my allergies have gone rather haywire in recent years, and I don't know if I'll die if I get stung. I'm starting to wonder if that's all of it though. Rationally, the fear of pain can't be the reason I'm afraid of flying insects because, I'm not afraid of needles and, well, I've literally had my skin pierced a gajillion times in the course of getting my tattoos. Furthermore, I always carry enough allergy medication that I could probably swim in garlic and poison ivy and be ok.
I've also come to the conclusion that the trigger is the high-pitched buzzing noise. I'm forcing myself to go out more. When I'm cutting the grass, apparently I'm surrounded by bees and I don't flinch (mostly because I don't see them and can't hear them, so that may not count).
I don't know.
I just want to be able to enjoy summer like normal people.
Métro-Boulot-Dodo
My life is currently mostly long periods of humdrum routine, broken up with random, high-intensity burn-your-stomach-lining stress. Then again, I guess I'm describing the life of most everyone I know, really.
Don't have much to say. Work is ok. I manage to get some interesting and useful code written and deployed. My bosses seem happy and my coworkers appreciate what I do, so that's always good. I'll be jet-setting for a weekend in Poland soon, though I'd prefer going with somebody because travelling alone sucks. One thing I'm noticing is that I'm falling back into an old and evil pattern of getting sucked into work and not taking breaks to socialize. I eat at my desk while trying to get work done. Not good. I used to go out for walks with Phil, but since my allergies have kicked back in and given the increase in activity of the disturbingly large insect population, I'm really not tempted to go out in the fields just right now.
The weekend should be relaxing. Probably going into town. I'd like to get some ring molds and pastry cutters. Maybe cut the grass. Maybe have a BBQ.
Mood is a bit up and down at the moment. I need to hit the gym more (which also ties in with being one with my desk these days). I'm worried about my dad's back, money, wedding preparations, and other sundry things.
I find myself missing the boys back home, while at the same time being rather cross with them for their lack of contact. I email them once in a while, but it's always me. Their shout-outs are few and far between. Make that, I haven't really heard from anybody except Michel in far too long. Meh.
Boy, I'm just a little ball of sunshine at the moment, ain't I.