This. This is an actual headline. This is why I love England.
From the article:
A bow-tie wearing duck has been injured in a drunken pub brawl with a local dog in Chulmleigh, Devon. The booze-loving bird, affectionately named Star, was enjoying a pint in The Old Courthouse Inn with his handler, Barrie Hayman, when Hayman’s canine Meggie sparked a bar brawl. Star was left with injuries to his beak after the fight.
“Star pushed his luck too far and Meggie snapped – splitting Star’s bottom beak right down the middle,” Hayman, 69, told the Cheddar Valley Gazette. “He gave her a stare, then promptly stood on her back. It was not pretty and not nice. We were so scared we would lose Star. He had to be rushed to the vets and go under anaesthetic, which is always risky and could go either way with ducks and other small animals. Thankfully our Star is a tough cookie and it looks like he came out okay.”
Hayman has cared for Star ever since he was a chick, carrying him around in his pocket. Once the duckling grew up, he developed a taste for real ale and started following his owner to the pub. “He just won’t leave me and so we go everywhere together,” Hayman said. “I’ve not trained him to follow me. He just seems to like it and he is one fantastic duck. He loves to come to the pub, where everyone loves him. He is such a personality and attracts so much attention.”