Category: uncategorized

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the fuck was going on when I first saw it.

How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

Our generation doesn’t knock on doors. We will call or text to let you know we’re outside.

I hate when I think of something really great to say during a conversation but by the time I get a chance to speak, we’re on a different topic. Do I let it pass and keep the good thought to myself, or do I awkwardly bring up the old topic again?

I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

Nothing brings two people together like the mutual hatred of another person.

Upon stubbing my toe while at my parents house, I yelled out “Mother Fucker!” at that my dad responded “Present!”… as gross as that was, I had to high five him.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

I think my other three stove burners are becoming jealous of front-left.

Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Every bar bathroom should have a cupholder.

I hate when I plan out a conversation with someone in my head and they don’t follow the script.

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I like all of the music in my itunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my itunes.

If anyone found out the one password I use for everything I’d be fucked.

“I had to walk to school 40 miles in the snow… barefoot” was good in it’s day. But imagine the sheer terror on your kid’s face when you drop “When I was born there was no internet”.

There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….

Eating dessert, skipping class, and having sex all have one thing in common. Once the idea crosses your mind it’s almost impossible not to do it, and if someone else says it out loud, it’s 100% going to happen.

Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

“Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.

I have yet to see a movie or TV show accurately depict anything near my experience in high school.

Whizzing backwards in my wheelie chair to get a book from the other side of my office makes me feel like a dynamic go-getter. Awkwardly waddling back to my desk again, not so much.

I can’t help but wonder how I would fare if I were born during a different time period.

‘m at that age where I don’t like to be called “dude” but being called “sir” makes me feel really old. So until further notice, please refer to me as “big guy.

I’m much more prepared to handle an insult than a compliment.

Man, that .01% of germs that can’t be killed by hand sanitizer must be some bad ass shit.

The worst feeling in the world is when you are in the middle of a good story and realize no one is listening to you.

As far as I’m concerned, the weekend really only has one day: Saturday. Friday doesn’t count because we still have to work and Sunday doesn’t count because its haunted by Monday

Kids today will never experience the joy and excitement of hearing the sound of dial up internet actually connecting.

It’s never a good sign when you’ve exhausted your daily website routine within the first hour of being at work.

I know I would have no friends left if they could ever hear my inner thoughts.

Source: http://ruminations.com/