Is that your signature, or were you just testing to see if the pen worked?
Category: uncategorized
The weekend can't come soon enough
I don't know why, but I'm so tired today I can't think straight. It's been a loooong week and, at times, not a very good one. I think that I've caught whatever bug took Katy down last week. Hopefully, it won't be as bad. I feel like I haven't had a good night's sleep in too long and it's making me a bit braindead. I've been staring at my screen trying to fire up enough neurons to start some debugging, but it's not working. I just want to go home and go to bed. Sadly, the universe doesn't work that way.
Fooey.
Happy holidays from the Flying Spaghetti Monster
Happy birthday Fortnum & Mason
This year marks Fortnum & Mason's 300th anniversary.
From their FAQ:
In 1707 Hugh Mason had a small shop in St Jamess Market and a spare room in his house. The Fortnum family had come to London from Oxford as high-class builders in the wake of the Great Fire, helping to establish the St Jamess and Mayfair areas as the most fashionable in London. William climbed another rung by taking a post as footman in Queen Annes household – and the room at Mr Masons. The Royal Familys insistence on having new candles every night meant a lot of half-used wax for an enterprising footman to sell on at a profit so while the Queens wages paid the rent, Williams enlightened sideline melted down into enough to start a respectable business. The rest, as they say, is grocery.
To commemorate the event, they are selling, for this year only, The Tercenturian Hamper. It needs The Capitalization. You see, it's £20,000.

It contains:
* Cup of Excellence Coffee Gift
* 3x 250g caddies; Ladies’ Travel Set includes Jewellery Roll, Slippers, Mask and Cushion
* 25 Person Foie Gras en Croûte, 1.09kg
* Balsamic Treasure Trove, 2x 250ml bottle, 3x 50ml bottles
* Two pairs of Cashmere Socks in pink and grey
* Side of Smoked Scottish Wild Salmon, min. wt. 1.6kg
* Beluga Caviar, 200g tin
* William Yeoward Caviar Glass Dish
* Château d’Yquem, 1er Grand Cru Sauternes 1996 5 ltr Jeroboam
* Le Montrachet Grand Cru, J Prieur 1995
* Leather Cigar Holder
* Two William Yeoward Champagne Flutes
* William Yeoward Champagne Jug
* Three-tier Rich Celebration Fruitcake, min. wt. 8kg
* Château Latour, 1er Grand Cru Classe Pauillac 1970
* Gentleman’s Leather Jewellery Box
* Silver-plated Elephant Place Settings
* Two Cashmere Scarves in pink and brown
* Silk Box filled with a Selection of Chocolates, 2kg box
* Beaufort Cheese, min. wt. 2kg
* Cropwell Bishop Whole Baby Stilton, min. wt. 2.2kg
* Highgrove Ham, min. wt. 5.7kg
* Krug Champagne, Vintage Collection 1981, Magnum
* Tercentenary Champagne Truffles, 250g drum
* Vintage Port, Fonseca 1955
* Herend Tea Set for Two
* Tercentenary Ceramic Tea Caddy containing White Tea, 40g
* Château Margaux, 1er Grand Cru Classe Margaux 1983
* St James Christmas Pudding, 1.81kg ceramic basin
* Griottes, 227g wooden box
* Fortnum’s Favourites, 2.8kg box
* Wood and Steel Cigar Cutter
* Baron de Lustrac, Armagnac 1900
* Hand-engraved Stationery
* Wine Notes Book in Leather
* Entertaining Book
* “The First Three Hundred Years”, Fortnum & Mason Book
* Chunk Comb Honey, 14lb jar
* The Paragon Crackers, box of six
* William Yeoward Glass Honey Pot
* Lime Curd, 908g jar
* Lemon Curd, 908g jar
* Fortnum & Mason Apron, Oven Glove, Tea Cosie and Tea Towel
* Two leather Luggage Tags in red and black
Presented in a three-tiered English willow hamper set.
TWENTY THOUSAND POUNDS OMGWTFBBQ!!!11!11!11oneone!!1!
Don't be happy, worry.

When laptops go bad
I've discovered a “feature” of my laptop display drivers. Apparently, it has a keyboard shortcut that allows you to rotate your monitor. This, for some, would be a good thing. Except when you're not aware of such a feature. Case and point:

IntelliJ, the java IDE I use to write code, has keyboard shortcuts for everything and they're sometimes hard to remember. Moving a line of code up and down is CTRL+SHIFT+UP arrow. Now, interestingly, I have discovered that CTRL+ALT+UP arrow flips my primary display upside down. If you try it again, you also flip the secondary display. In an attempt to get things in a sane state, where I don't have to unscrew my head to be able to work, I managed to rotate both my laptop screen and secondary monitor – except in different orientations.
This was problematic because, as I found out, when you flip the screen display, the mouse orientation also flips – just to be consistently useful. This is disquieting when one monitor is rotated by 180 degrees and another by 270. This means that mouse movements are different from one screen to the other (and also fun when control panels appear on both screens).
I was able to get it back to normal after a bit of fiddling. Needless to say, this “feature” has now been disabled.
Aaaah, the joys of modern technology.
Not a morning person
I'll be the first to admit that I am not a morning person.
Seriously, I'm not.
My normal morning routine is to snuggle next to Katy until the snooze button has been smacked a few times, then go downstairs to make tea and get breakfast ready. I'll watch the news, wave Katy off to work and then sometimes make myself another cup of tea while I check my email. I'll get dressed and mosey on off to work.
This, I find, is a gentle way to get ready for work.
Giving a shit-covered cat a shower at 7:30 in the morning is not, I repeat, not a preferred way to start the day. It happens to rank quite highly in my most-unpleasant-things-to-do-before-tea list of badness…
Reason # 2347890123 to avoid going to the US
U.S. Plans to Screen All Who Enter, Leave Country
Personal Data Will Be Cross-Checked With Terrorism Watch Lists; Risk Profiles to Be Stored for Years
The federal government disclosed details yesterday of a border-security program to screen all people who enter and leave the United States, create a terrorism risk profile of each individual and retain that information for up to 40 years.
While long known to scrutinize air travelers, the Department of Homeland Security is seeking to apply new technology to perform similar checks on people who enter or leave the country “by automobile or on foot,” the notice said. The department intends to use a program called the Automated Targeting System, originally designed to screen shipping cargo, to store and analyze the data.
“We have been doing risk assessments of cargo and passengers coming into and out of the U.S.,” DHS spokesman Jarrod Agen said. “We have the authority and the ability to do it for passengers coming by land and sea.”
In practice, he said, the government has not conducted risk assessments on travelers at land crossings for logistical reasons.
“We gather, collect information that is needed to protect the borders,” Agen said. “We store the information we see as pertinent to keeping Americans safe.”
Civil libertarians expressed concern that risk profiling on such a scale would be intrusive and would not adequately protect citizens' privacy rights, issues similar to those that have surrounded systems profiling air passengers.
“They are assigning a suspicion level to millions of law-abiding citizens,” said David Sobel, senior counsel of the Electronic Frontier Foundation. “This is about as Kafkaesque as you can get.”
The notice comes as the department is tightening its ability to identify people at the borders. At the end of the year, for example, Homeland Security is expanding its Visitor and Immigrant Status Indicator Technology program, under which 32 million noncitizens entering the country annually are fingerprinted and photographed at 115 airports, 15 seaports and 154 land ports.
The risk assessment is created by analysts at the National Targeting Center, a high-tech facility opened in November 2001 and now run by Customs and Border Protection. In a round-the-clock operation, targeters match names against terrorist watch lists and a host of other data to determine whether a person's background or behavior indicates a terrorist threat, a risk to border security or the potential for illegal activity. They also assess cargo. Each traveler assessed by the center is assigned a numeric score: The higher the score, the higher the risk. A certain number of points send the traveler back for a full interview.
The Automated Targeting System relies on government databases that include law enforcement data, shipping manifests, travel itineraries and airline passenger data, such as names, addresses, credit card details and phone numbers.
In yesterday's Federal Register notice, Homeland Security said it will keep people's risk profiles for up to 40 years “to cover the potentially active lifespan of individuals associated with terrorism or other criminal activities,” and because “the risk assessment for individuals who are deemed low risk will be relevant if their risk profile changes in the future, for example, if terrorist associations are identified.”
According to yesterday's notice, the program is exempt from certain requirements of the Privacy Act of 1974 that allow, for instance, people to access records to determine “if the system contains a record pertaining to a particular individual” and “for the purpose of contesting the content of the record.”
Source: Washington Post
Ahhh, America. The land of the free. For a certain value of Free, of course.
From the desk of Phineas Taylor Barnum…
Lindsay, 22, has a certain confidence in her step now — compliments of what's in her shirt. “I've just always wanted them. I think breast implants are super sexy.” How much did her new breasts cost her? Not a single dime. Total strangers footed the bill for her new breasts. She explains, “Currently on our web site there is 20,297 guys willing to donate to boob jobs. I think that's incredible. I love the Internet.”
Benefactors donate at least $1.20 each time they email any of the 3,000 women waiting for implants. Lindsay said, “Probably about 10 guys really paid for my boob job.”
There have been 41 “boob jobs” paid for and completed since My Free Implants took off two years ago. In fact, 11 of those 41 surgeries happened this month. Lindsay said, “I went from an A-cup to a double-D.” As women's cup sizes grow, so does the business. Co-founders Jason Grunstra and Jay Moore expect to raise a million dollars before the year is out.
What possesses a total stranger to pay for this?
The founders explain, “For some of them, they have a lot of money… a charity type thing. For others, it's like science fiction…creating the perfect woman in their eyes.” They continued, “Guys spend hundreds of dollars on drinks at a bar on women they don't know. This might be a better investment for some guys.”
The most amount of money donated by one benefactor is $30,000 in one month by a man from the UK. The founders said they paid for just over three breast surgeries. Ninety percent of the money that benefactors donate goes directly to the woman's doctor of choice. With advertising that consists of doctor listings on the site and ten percent of the net proceeds, these entrepreneurs are in for a huge payoff, and they're not even 30-years-old.
In the meantime… women who have received the implants are thrilled. One said she thinks the two founders are brilliant. Another says, “A big thank you to Jason and Jay. You guys are a God send.”
God sends that encourage benefactors to “help improve the women's self esteem and confidence.” Lindsay agrees, “I got something I wanted for free and had fun while doing it.” She says her clothes fit better now, and everyone smiles at her more. Lindsay's benefactors didn't come away completely empty handed. For as little as $1.20 per e-mail, they got to see photos of her new figure.
Geek pick-up lines
- You’re like an exothermic reaction, you spread your hotness everywhere!
- I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.
- You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!
- If I was an enzyme, I’d be helicase so I could unzip your genes.
- I’m attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.
- Be my queen and mate me with your knight moves.
- You make my floppy disk turn into a hard drive
- Do you think we can make it a step more serious and disable network sharing?
- I don’t have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?
- I’ll treat you like my homework — I’ll slam you on the table and do you all night long
- I wish I were your second derivative so I could fill your concavities.
- Did you just combust?? Because you’re HOT!
- What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply
- Every time I see you, my cardiovascular system gets all worked up
- I wish I were adenine because then I could get paired with U.
- What’s your sine? It must be pi/2 because you’re the 1
- If my right leg was Christmas and my left was Easter, would you like to spend some time between the holidays?
- Want to meet up so I can excite your natural frequency?
- You know.. it’s not the length of the vector that counts… it’s how you apply the force
- If I move my lips half the distance to yours… and then half again… and again… etc…. would they ever meet? no? Well in this specific case I am going to disprove your assumption.
- If I was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me: smooth or rough?
- Our love is like dividing by zero…. you cannot define it
- Let me be your integral so I can be the area under your curves
- Let’s discover our coefficient of friction
- You’re so gneiss I’ll never take you for granite.
- I less than three you….. (i < 3 you)

