Santa got drunk and decided it was a good idea to get a pair of battery powered, magazine fed, nerf guns. There have already been tears.
Hard drinking
Katy’s moved onto the hard stuff.
Christmas food porn
Turkey with all the trimmings :)
Merry Christmas from all of us
Christmas group therapy
Christmas quotes
Go choose the wine… but don’t take the barolo.
*puts on head torch and goes spelunking in the pantry*
OK, I have wine.
*inspects choices*
We’ve had all of these, go get the barolo.
You asked me to get the wine, I got wine!
OK. But this one is too young. Drink the old ones first…oh,this one is good, it’s 15%!
*puts back half the bottles I’d selected*
I need a bigger house!
No, cause then you’ll end up with another kitchen.
The hand is in dad joke heaven
The hand is enjoying torturing granddad with gems like this:
Who don’t crabs share their food? Because they’re shellfish!
Have you heard about the secret cheese society? The Hallouminati!
Nigel and Donald
Nigel and Donald, the two biggest tits of 2016 about to get roasted.
Santa could be barred from UK after Brexit
Changes to Britain’s immigration system after it leaves the European Union may stop Santa Claus from making his annual festive flying visit, it has emerged. Santa currently uses European freedom of movement rights to fly his sleigh from Lapland into British skies to conduct his annual delivery business.
However, with Britain leaving the EU, the jolly old man is likely to face the same immigration curbs as other Laplanders in future. Work permits are expected to be introduced, and legal experts warn that the tradition of parents providing a glass of sherry and a mince pie in return for Santa leaving presents by the fireplace constitutes an informal work arrangement – thereby making it impossible for the iconic figure to gain permission to enter the country without the correct paperwork.
Any attempt to make deliveries without permission from the immigration authorities could see Santa arrested, according to legal experts. UKIP leader Nigel Farage said, “This is just another example of a foreigner coming over here taking the job of a decent hardworking indigenous British national who could easily spend the night delivering presents instead.
“I’ll be delighted to see the end of it.”
Meanwhile, the Sun is investigating claims that hundreds of Laplanders are cheating immigration controls by masquerading as Santa in shopping centres across the country. It has published images it claims to be the real Santa supervising elves back in Lapland in the run up to Christmas while the fake Santas pose for photos with unsuspecting children.
Original story here
This is my happy face
People keep asking me why I always look angry. Thing is, this is my happy face.