You know you’re from Montreal when…

• You pronounce it “Muntreal”, not “Mahntreal”.
• You have ever said anything like “I have to stop at the guichet before we get to the dep.”
• Your only concern about jaywalking is getting a ticket.
• You agree that Montréal drivers are crazy, but you’re secretly proud of their nerves of steel.
• The most exciting thing about the South Shore is that you can turn right on a red.
• You know that the West Island is not a separate geographical formation.
• You bring smoked meat from Schwartz’s and bagels from St-Viateur if you’re visiting anyone.
• You refer to Tremblant as “up North.”
• You know how to pronounce Pie-IX.
• You’re not impressed with hardwood floors.
• You can watch soft-core porn on broadcast TV, and this has been true for at least 25 years.
• You were drinking café-au-lait before it was latte.
• Shopper’s Drug Mart is Pharmaprix and Staples is Bureau en gros, and PFK is finger lickin’ good.
• You really believe Just For Laughs is an international festival. For two weeks a year.
• Everyone, – drivers, pedestrians, and cyclists – think they’re immortal, and that you’ll move first.
• You know that Rocket Richard had nothing to do with astrophysics.
• You’ve seen Brother André’s heart.
• You know the difference between the SQ, the SAQ, and the SAAQ.
• You measure temperature and distance in metric, but weight and height in Imperial measure.
• You know that Montréal is responsible for introducing to North America: bagels, souvlaki, smoked meat.
• There has to be at least 30 cm of snow on the ground in 24 hours to consider it too snowy to drive.
• You remember where you were during the Ice Storm.
• You’ve been to at least 2 festivals drunk
• You discuss potholes like most people discuss weather.
• “The Futuristic City” is actually Habitat ’67.
• You find it amusing when people from outside Québec compliment you on how good your English is.
• You have yet to understand a single announcement made on the Métro PA system.
• You don’t find American comedians speaking “gibberish” French even remotely funny.
• You don’t find it weird that there’s a strip club on every corner downtown.
• You know the words to the national anthem in French.
• You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
• Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
• You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.