Tag: random shit

… because things like this still make me giggle :-)

Drink! Feck! Arse! Girls! BRICK!

At least give the man some credit for originality…

Hello.

I found your e-mail address on medical site.

My name is [REDACTED], I am from Ukraine, I am 32 years old man, I do not drink alcohol and do not smoke cigarettes, my blood is O+ and I have a good health. If you need liver transplant I am ready to give part of my liver, but I want to receive a big compensation for that…

If you do not need liver transplant, but you know somebody who need it, please send my message to this person or keep it just in case.

[REDACTED]

P.S. This is not a joke and I am not a cheater or scammer.

• You pronounce it “Muntreal”, not “Mahntreal”.
• You have ever said anything like “I have to stop at the guichet before we get to the dep.”
• Your only concern about jaywalking is getting a ticket.
• You agree that Montréal drivers are crazy, but you’re secretly proud of their nerves of steel.
• The most exciting thing about the South Shore is that you can turn right on a red.
• You know that the West Island is not a separate geographical formation.
• You bring smoked meat from Schwartz’s and bagels from St-Viateur if you’re visiting anyone.
• You refer to Tremblant as “up North.”
• You know how to pronounce Pie-IX.
• You’re not impressed with hardwood floors.
• You can watch soft-core porn on broadcast TV, and this has been true for at least 25 years.
• You were drinking café-au-lait before it was latte.
• Shopper’s Drug Mart is Pharmaprix and Staples is Bureau en gros, and PFK is finger lickin’ good.
• You really believe Just For Laughs is an international festival. For two weeks a year.
• Everyone, – drivers, pedestrians, and cyclists – think they’re immortal, and that you’ll move first.
• You know that Rocket Richard had nothing to do with astrophysics.
• You’ve seen Brother André’s heart.
• You know the difference between the SQ, the SAQ, and the SAAQ.
• You measure temperature and distance in metric, but weight and height in Imperial measure.
• You know that Montréal is responsible for introducing to North America: bagels, souvlaki, smoked meat.
• There has to be at least 30 cm of snow on the ground in 24 hours to consider it too snowy to drive.
• You remember where you were during the Ice Storm.
• You’ve been to at least 2 festivals drunk
• You discuss potholes like most people discuss weather.
• “The Futuristic City” is actually Habitat ’67.
• You find it amusing when people from outside Québec compliment you on how good your English is.
• You have yet to understand a single announcement made on the Métro PA system.
• You don’t find American comedians speaking “gibberish” French even remotely funny.
• You don’t find it weird that there’s a strip club on every corner downtown.
• You know the words to the national anthem in French.
• You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
• Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
• You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.