It took 300 years for the giant tortoise to get a scientific or taxonomical name because people kept eating them. People would put them on ships and sail them back home, but by the time they arrived at port in Europe the crew would have eaten the whole lot. Even Charles Darwin and the crew aboard the Beagle ate all the giant tortoises on board. The only descriptions of them are comparing them to chicken, beef, mutton and butter, and saying they tasted better than all of them. Even the liver and bone marrow was considered delicious. They were also used as water stores, because they have a special internal bladder which stores water so perfectly that it is drinkable, so when you slit them open to cook them you also got a gallon of fresh water. The crew therefore stacked them up so that they could not move, and they did not need to be fed for months so they were very useful for whaling ships because they provided both food and water. There are 12 species of giant tortoise, all of which are now endangered.
Tag: video
Dylan Moran on the state of the world
The new show, Dr Cosmos, which is touring, is about “the bonfire of now. The blazing relentlessness and the effect it has on you. How do you sit still without coming apart at the seams?”
Middle age tends to accelerate the conviction that the world is going to hell in a handcart, but Moran points to “a massive consensus: we’re all agreed that the world is indeed f*cked right now. Everyone knows that the American president is a ludicrous person, in Westminster we’ve got two zombie political parties having a pretend show of political debate that’s never going to lead to anything, and Britain is going through this extraordinary act of sending itself to its room and not coming down as a show of – what? You shat your pants in front of the whole world and you’re sulking? It’s embarrassed by its own behaviour, frankly, and it’s a postcolonial sulk. Everybody’s just looking around, waiting for the embarrassment to fade. But Britain has this tradition of carrying on resolutely, because you’re committed to something, and is therefore locked into a position where it has to be seen to execute the absurdity it doesn’t want to go through with. These are desperate times.”
Dave Gorman Genius
Oldie but a goodie!
Genius is a comedy game show on BBC Two, adapted from the original radio series hosted by the comedian Dave Gorman. On Genius, members of the public submit a range of unusual ideas and inventions for Gorman and guest celebrity judges to decide whether the idea is “Genius”. The first series began airing on 20 March 2009, following the success of an unbroadcast pilot.
The potential “genius” delivers their idea from a podium while Gorman and his guest talk about the merits of the plan, performing some experiments concerning the idea. The celebrity judge then decides whether the idea is “Genius or not”, which is done by pressing one of two buttons. If the player is declared a genius, the judge pushes the white button and the stage revolves clockwise, where the player enters a white door and is declared “Genius”. If the player is not a genius, the judge pressed the red button and the stage revolves anticlockwise, where the player enters a red door and is declared “Not a genius”. When all of the ideas have been heard, the judge is then given 10 seconds to decide which of the genius ideas is the most genius. The creator of the winning idea is awarded with the Genius Trophy.
In the middle of the show, Gorman and the judge also read out a selection of rejected ideas, to give an idea of the kind of ideas Genius receives.
The Johnnie Vegas episode is still, by far, my favourite.
The torture box: To punish inanimate items.
The conveyor duvet: A duvet cover which surrounds the bed, so that if you pull it towards you, whoever is sleeping with you still has the duvet covering them.
Lest we forget
Lux aeterna luceat eis, Domine, cum sanctis tuis in aeternum, quia pius es.
Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine, et lux perpetua luceat eis.
May light eternal shine upon them, O Lord, with Thy saints forever, for Thou art kind.
Eternal rest give to them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them.
When you’re asked to make a 30s video describing what you do
35 people have been tasked to make a 30s video explaining what they do. I get to edit the whole thing. What can go wrong…
You gotta believe!
Scene for feature-film-in-progress Seder-Masochism, animated by Nina Paley
Music: “You Gotta Believe” sung by the Pointer Sisters, circa 1976
Original dancing goddesses: blog.ninapaley.com/2018/01/01/24-free-goddess-gifs/
Hit him! HIIIIIIT HIMMMMMMM!
Ben wanted to go on the bumber cars. Note, bumber cars, not dodgems. Switzerland is not ruled by a bunch of elf’n’safety pansies. At first, he was all “nooooooooooooooooooooooooo”. After a couple of minutes, he turned into a blood-thirsty maniac who was yelling “HIT HIIIIM! HE LIKES IT!!”
A very satisfying paw
When you’re stressed, just look at Pavel eating his paw and everything will be better.
Kodo: One Earth – Evolution
Katy, Bean and I went to Geneva to see the latest incarnation of Kodo’s One Earth tour: evolution.
I was, in a word, disappointed. Oh, don’t get me wrong, there were still moments of brilliance, but the show didn’t live up to the larger-than-life dragons who suddenly slither on to the stage or the shaggy-haired, old-style forest ‘demons’ from the One Earth: Mystery 2016 tour. This show seemed almost too technical, too slow, at times. I didn’t feel the mad, raw energy from the previous show. The group of special-need kids behind us that didn’t stop talking the whole show probably didn’t help either.
ding dong? no, no, no. DING! DONG!
My 3 favourite muppets in the same sketch :)